wanderlust

so yea, I guess I should have mentioned my birthday...I totally skipped it...I guess the reason I did not post anything was because I as alone all day in a car driving to an interview that was pointless. But it is odd that I failed to mention it....I mean almost every month I take note of my "birthday day." I did get lots of text and phone calls. It is weird the people who call/text to wish you a happy birthday. I know that they did not remember it, there phone reminded most of them I am sure...but still the fact they took the 5.5 seconds to text me of the 2 minutes to call me does say something about them. It is funny b/c I only responded to one of the text....I guess the fact that I did not respond to most of them and that I responded to this particular one says something about me.

anyway I am starting out on this new year.....Oh boy when I think where I was this time last year...wow.....craziness....I wonder where I will be this time next year.......I can only hope that I am not in the same place emotionally/psychologically......I would also prefer to to not be in the same place geographically. I guess that is funny too. a year ago this time I was so ready to go to ny and here I am. I have gone and I have returned....not at the conquering prince....but as the disheveled vagabond......I guess wanderers have to settle down at some time....I think am destine to wander the landscape....this wanderlust is something that I have always had...I always thought it was a blessing....maybe it is a curse....I am sure there is some ancient myth about a man cursed to wander the earth.....

the definition of wandering is: 1 a : to move about without a fixed course, aim, or goal b : to go idly about 2 : to follow a winding course 3: to go astray (as from a course)

I however am not a wandering.....I am constantly on the look out for something....what am I looking for? I don't know....but I do know this...if I don't soon find that thing for which I am looking my travels will soon turn into a definite and ill-defined wandering....

Here I sit

So yea, here I sit in Richmond In. This is officially the coldest place on earth. This morning when I went to my interview/meeting the men at the school said it was negative 1. If you have read Dante's inferno then you know that the worst part of hell is a frozen place where Satan chews on the traitorous. Well the only thing keeping this place from being hell is the mastication of evil.

so anyway, I am off to Cincinnati where I meet with someone else about another thing (ha that is pretty vague)....

ttyl

leaving again

ok so here i sit....i am in a room full of people who are here to "say goodbye"

i am not very excited about leaving....not that i dont want to go...i do. and it is
not that i want to stay...i dont.....

i am as ambivalent about going home as i was about coming....i dont know what to say
so i will post this great song....


Tones of Home
Blind Melon


What do you think they would say
If I stood up and I walked away
Nobody here really understand me
and so I'll wave goodbye I'm fine, I'm fine
Tones of home
said you don't like the way I'm living
you don't like me
Tones of home, tones of home
And so I'll wave goodbye.
I'm flyin' I'm flyin' home
And I always thought this would be
the land of milk and honey
Oh but I came to find out that it's
all hate and money
And there's a canopy of greed holding me down.

[Chorus]

See I'm so High to you, so I'll fade away
I said your on your own
Your Mom and Daddy said , that your
sister said, and your brothers saying
Everybody is saying Everybody, is
saying I, eye God I gotta go!
All my friends patronize me and
They say YO Hey Boy! Have you
found what your looking for.
It seems they don't really know me cause it's here
and its what they can't see.

[Chorus]

The elect

Have you ever wanted to be in a secret club? You know like one of those secret societies that the Bush's are in or something like that. We for the past few weeks I have felt like I belong to one of those. It all started when people would come into Barnes and Noble and buy concordances or bible's or even Don millers book Blue like Jazz. Well being the good sales person that I am I would say something like, "oh I like this concordance" or "omg this book by Don Miller is so good." Now while I did mean what I was saying it is not like I was treating the bible-buyer any different from the person who bought A Million Little Pieces. "Oh I have heard so much about this book. You know, lots of Oprah books are really good." Blah blah blah.....

anyway, what I noticed with a few of the bible-buyers is that they get this little twinkle in their eye and they lean in and whisper, "are you a Christian too?"

"umm yes," I answer

"really? Where do you go to church?" they continue in hushed tones.

"well I go to a cool little church up near time square called the 411." I answer and attempt to hand them their bag.

"oh wow. Do they have a wed site?"

"umm yea they do...Here let me write it down for you"

As they leave they look over their shoulder giving me a knowing look. It first seemed odd to me that these bible-buyers were so in awe of meeting another Christian. Then I started to realized how sub the subculture really is. Or at least that is how the people in the city perceive it to be.

then last night I was watching Narnia and I was tearing up when they killed Aslan. I felt like I as one of the few people in the theatre that could understand his sacrifice.

then today I am walking down fifth ave. and I was listening to Christmas music on my mp3 player and I realized that again I was one of the few people on the street who could truly understand the reason for the holiday.

oh well just a thought....

again i ask why?

so yea, tonight I went to see Narnia. It was a good movie....I almost cried when they killed Aslan....all I could think about was how the Lion of Judea did that for me, a traitor.

I do have question for you though?

Why did Christ die?

The answer to this question dictates much about your personal commitment to Christianity. If Jesus died to save us from Sin, then our new life is likely to be focused on sin and trying to be sinless. However, if Jesus died in order to give us life and to give it more abundantly then we will spend our new life focused on living life the way God wants us to. Yes of course Jesus dealt with the sin issue in our lives, but that was only a small thing that had to be done in order to provide us with that new life.

This Brings me to the question I thought of during the movie.

For what did Christ die?

I will lay it out on the table. Did Christ die to ransom humanity from sin/Satan? Or, did He die in an effort to fulfill the holiness of God. For us to say that Christ died to ransom us from Satan is to say that God is not all powerful. For, if God had to pay anything to anyone then he must lacking the ability to do that thing himself. I mean you would never pay a plumber to unstop your drains unless you were unable to do it yourself (or simply too lazy, which in itself is a lacking). Therefore, since God does not need to pay Satan anything, why must Jesus die? He died because the holiness of God demands that humanity be holy and the only way to cleanse humanity is for Jesus to die. Therefore, the mercy of an ever-benevolent god met the righteousness of an ever-holy god in the death of Christ.

What does this have to do with Narnia. Well, in the movie it states that the wages of being a traitor is death. Or as the movie puts it "the old magic" (and what is older than the holiness of God) demands that a traitor's blood belongs to the White Witch. Aslan takes the sin of Edmond on himself and dies. However, there is the dilemma. Does he die to fulfill the law or does he die to ransom Edmond from the queen. Well clearly he does both. From my second question we see that he died to fulfill the "old magic" and from my first question we see that he died to give Edmond a new life an abundant life....

Just a thought

click here to see what action hero you are

ok this is stupid---i am so not maximus


You scored as Maximus.
After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him.

Maximus
96%

Indiana Jones
88%

Batman, the Dark Knight
75%

Lara Croft
75%

The Amazing Spider-Man
71%

Neo, the "One"
71%

The Terminator
67%

Captain Jack Sparrow
67%

William Wallace
58%

James Bond, Agent 007
58%

El Zorro
33%

MoMA

so yea, I have been telling people for a few months that I did not enjoy the Metropolitan Museum of Art. When they respond with the dramatic, "WHY?!" I have an answer ready. I say, "well since I am not an art person I need popular art, art I recongize." I then explain that I can appreciate the beauty of obscure art, but I need to know that it is "famous" to enjoy it.

Well today I went to the Museum of Modern Art, affectionately known as MoMA. Well, I realized about half way through that I had not seen very much that I recognized, but at the same time I was enjoying my experience.

this got me wondering.....And then it got me to questioning. Am I affected by obscure modern art b/c it is done in a medium that I have everyday experience with. I mean if I see a beautiful oil painting at the MET I can just walk past and think, "oh that is pretty." But at MoMA if I see an odd image projected onto the wall or if I watch an old man go about his day on a bank off 100 televisions I stop and I think and ponder the images. Is this because I interact with the "image" every day, but I never once see an oil painting unless I go into a museum? Has the TV pixel become my oil brush stroke?

I don't know......
But I must say that my experience at MoMA got better the longer I stayed. Not only was I able to enjoy the obscure art I was able to see some popular art as well. I look at these pictures the same way I read Tolstoy or Camus. I feel that I need to read those books and see these pieces of art to be a fuller more complete human being. So tonight I am a fuller person b/c I have seen

Jackson Pollocks work.....Do you remember the scene in Mona Lisa Smile where Julia Roberts character takes her students to the warehouse to see the painting that looks like the guy just threw the paint onto the canvas? Well that is Jackson Pollock...

Van Gough's the Starry Night....Of course this is one of my favs (again I must wonder if I would like it if someone had not told me it was good--oh well) It was nice to see the real thing after years of seeing it in poster shopts. I got up real close to it and looked at the paint--it is really thick on the canvas...

Monet's Water Lilies...omg it is huge....It is made of three gigantic panels that stretch out for about twenty feet or more

Some Picasso--nothing I really recognized

Andy Warhol's work---I enjoy the hammer and sickle it was nice---I also saw one his images of Monroe and the campbell's soup thingy...

anyway that was my day---one week from right now I will be at home in Mississippi...I wonder if I will want to be there then.

why?

People say that I am vain.....Well according to G. K. Chesterton there is a difference between vanity and Pride. The prideful person is looking for the applause of one person, and they already have it. (that person is themselves). The Vain person is looking for the applause of ever person.

Maybe this is why the vain person "had one eye in the mirror As you watched yourself go by." If Carly Simon's man was vain he was not admiring himself; he was making sure his hair was fixed so everyone else there would think he was hot. So yea, if I am anything I am vain. Fore vanity is nothing more than an issue of low self esteem.

therefore, I wonder.... Everyone wants me to be where they are. The people in NY want me here. I have known Hillary less than a week and inside of every conversation she is like "don't leave." The Washington Square Village Super Friends are like "you can't go." At the same time, everyone in Mississippi is like "I can't wait until you come home." It just seems like everyone wants me where they are.

Why?

I am not funny.
I am not cute. (ha but maybe I make them cute by comparison)
I am not the life of the party. (dear lord, I just stand in the corner and wonder when I can leave)
I can't carry on a good conversation. ( I freak out when ever anyone wants to know what I am thinking--or I simply nod and smile, agreeing with their most stupid comments)

I simply don't understand why everyone wants me nearby. I mean, heck, I don't want me near by...

oh well....Off to bed.....

it snowed last night

states i have visited

early morning in the city that wakes up

this morning i was walking down west third.... it was like 7:30 and there was no one out... the city was empty... where as the city is usually a sensory overload this morning was nothing like that..... i don't know how to explain how i felt except to say that i saw everything and heard everything.... even though there was nothing to see or hear..... the sun was shining right down third Ave from the East river to the Hudson..... it almost seemed as though the sun was rising over me this morning.... It shown in my eyes causing me to walk blindly down the brightly lit street....

while standing my lobby waiting for the elevator, I heard a voice i knew..... it was having a conversation that i had heard before..... it took me a few minutes to realize that i was listening to Krista Tippet talk to a Midwife for the Dying on the public radio program Speaking of Faith..... a Midwife for the Dying.... can you imagine the sadness that must lurk in those rooms..... those rooms that she insists on bringing light into....those rooms that are so brightly lit by the sun that that people must walk blindly down the brightly lit street of death.....