Its late

Plans of the week.
Plans of the day.
Plans of the hour.
Plans of the minute.

I mean seriously, I have no clue what to do. I am sure the 1.5 people who read this get tired of me complaining, but honestly this is my only outlet for the angst I am feeling.

My callie-diagnosed-bipolar illness if very obvious these days. I am up and down then back up. I get almost manic-ly happy then super depressed to the point that all I do is what have to do (school work and barnes & noble work). One minute I have the perfect plan and the next I have no clue what I am going to do.

I mean yesterday I had it all figured out. I was going to quit school, volunteer at the 411 next semester while getting a job to pay my bills. However, that fell through today. I mean the church will probably allow me to volunteer, but they implied that they would not have a ton of work for me to do. I really could not justify following this plan if they can't guarantee me a lot of work.

I would kill to work in a church (ha)--I don't have to be on staff. I would love to volunteer somewhere and get a regular job to pay my bills (aka this sinfully high student loan). I don't even have to have a traditional role. I would love to be an assistant. I love making booklets and designing brochures. One of the coolest things I ever did was the Experience God packets that I made--btw Life Way should make those available for purchase with the books--it makes things so much easier (but maybe that is me tooting my own horn-ha).

I don't know--tonight I was talking to my prof after class (yea my hot 29 yr old single prof.) and she understands why I want to quit and said that she would not try and convince me to stay--but at the same time while talking with her I realized how much fun it would be to student teach with her next semester--and she agreed

I don't know--I am just so so so tired of "doing what's next." that is all I have ever done. high school, college at delta state (with a short break in Charlotte--if I could remember back I would bet that my mind frame was the same then as it is now), grad school at wheaton, teaching at GCS (the first in a line of mistakes), now NYU---I think the reason I came back to school is b/c that is the one thing I know I can do well. However, I have decided that either I am too old/jaded for school or I simply am not interested.

I know I want to spend my life "talking about jesus" but I just don't know how to go about do this----

i would love to write my krispy kreme book on the systematic theology (see the HOT NOW post in aug i think)

anyway--it is 2am and I have to get up at 7am