jcardinell

RAND Corporation for the church

2009-03-11T10:35:00.003-04:00

As I make my way through seminary, I would like to say that they provide the answer for the future of the church. However, I cannot say that. While I think that seminary is essential to the development of ministers and churches, I think we need more. We need what i have called, in the past, a "Bell Labs for the church" but now refer to the "Rand Corporation for the church."

These corporations provide a "think-tank" to solve problems. RAND's name actually comes from "Research ANd Development. Their website says, "RAND's tradition of problem-solving continues to this day. RAND conducts research and provides analysis to address challenges that face the United States and the world"

The church today has lots of challenges. How can we address these? Should every church put together a team to "solve the problem of the church in the world?" I don't think so. Should denominations do this? Maybe. A few weeks ago I spent two day in Nashville and Atlanta. While in Nashville and the ATL we spent time at Lifeway, the SBC Executive Committee, and NAMB. I came away with much respect for the leadership of these these entities.

Lifeway is preparing great material and they are doing a great job training teachers and leaders; but are they the Rand Corporation for the church?

The Executive Committee is filled with godly men who really do want to reach people for Jesus, but is it the Rand Corporation for the church?

NAMB was amazing. I have great respect for the leaders. But what really got me excited was just sitting in the cafeteria and talking about the future of college ministry in the church. This conversation revealed that they are thinking about the future of the church in North America. Of the three I think NAMB could the RAND of the SBC.

However, are denominations the place to answer the challenges for the church?

Or is the answer a place like Catalyst. I have not been to the Catalyst office so I don't know what the atmosphere is really like. But from what I have learned from benarment.com it seems to be the closest to our Rand and with the addition of Catalyst One Day (which seems similar to Ben Arment's Whiteboard Sesssions) they are beginning to reach more people with the "R & D."

What is answer for the future? I think we need to come together to and work together with the intentionality like RAND and other companies.

Sunday school

2008-11-24T09:58:00.003-05:00

its is about causing them to want to come. You know in marketing they talk about creating a need for the product. well i dont know if that is the case with sunday school. we do not need to create the need; the need is already there. so how do we get them there. there was an article in fast company a few months ago about how the smart phone could save the newspaper. it seems that people will download an app to their phone to receive the new york times simply because the app is free. this is an app that they do not need, an app they might even normally want...

what does that mean for sunday school? the need is there.... the app is free.....it seems like everything is in the minster of educations favor. It seems like everyone would flock to sunday school. it seems like every church should be discipling its people. but...but we are not. To quote my mama, "its like pull i-teeth" to get them there.

so why do they not come?

let me tell you why i dont like going to sunday school/small groups/bible fellowship groups....

1. we tell people to go to small groups (you tell me to go to small groups)b/c that is where we are discipled. they say that small groups is where someone becomes more Christ-like. In other words they tell me that it is Bible Study. Yet, by the very nature of the sunday school one can't have life changing bible study. the groups are "open." this means that the curriculum must be arranged so that a new person can get involved. As a result the groups that was promoted as "discipleship" is not............that's not a good reason not to go.

2. we tell people to go to small groups (you tell me to go to small groups)b/c that is where we develop community. they say that small groups is where someone understands what it means to be a part of the body of Christ. but i can't develop community in that small time..........that is not a good reason not to go.

3. we tell people to go to small groups (you tell me to go to small groups) b/c that is where we are able to find service opportunities for the church. really? well that never happens...........that is not a good reason not to go.

So....sunday school.....why should you go? All of these reasons are wrong.....you dont go to sunday school for you! you go to help the church build a place for the unsaved and for the new to Christ to find a picture of the church. you go b/c sunday school is the perfect entry point to the church....you go to fulfill the great commission.....

don't forget its not about you.....its not about me......its about the ones being chased by God.

living together

2008-10-01T23:32:00.001-04:00

so yea i figured something out today.....this is huge! i figured out that the people i my dorm would this:

"We live together in the dorm."

While i would say this

"I live in the same dorm as you"

there is a huge differance here.....you see they "live together" and i live i the same place as them...of course this distiction has ramification that are far reaching...How many married couples dont "live together" but instead live in the same place? How may churches are made of people who dont "go to ther church together" but instead go to the same church.....dang that is HUGE!

but i dont need to expound any more....i think yall can put one and one together....

by they way....i found a super walmart today.....i am so freaking happy!

mail, thom rainer, and richard foster

2008-09-30T23:49:00.000-04:00

so i was telling someone the other day that the only mail i get is bills....and that is so true! and now even the only e-mail i get is bills....i got one today from the school telling me that october payment is due and one from citibank telling me that my student loan payment is due from the last school i attended....do you realize that between my citibank loan and my car loan i am abut 30k in debt....dude that is alot of money for little boy like myself....

but i did have taco bell for supper....one can't not eat right?

so yea i got the new thom rainer book essential churches....i think it is gonna be good.....but in reality we will never be able to "re-claim the de-churched" until our membership gets it.....we have to teach them to stop looking inward and begin to understand what our call is....we are to go out and make disciples.....we think we are pretty dang good at disciplship but it is all for naught if we are not discipling new people!...and in reality if we were really good at discipling our church members then this issue would be mute...they/we would be out there fulfilling their calling.....

i read this quote tonight in Foster's Celebration of Dicisipline

"In our day haven and earth are on tiptoe waiting for the emergence of a Spirit-let, Spirit-intoxicated, Spirit-empowered people. All creation watches expectantly for the springing up of a disciplined, freely gathered, martyr-people who know in this life the life power of the Kingdom of God. It has happened before. It can happen again." (Foster, 175)

Romans 1:1b

2008-09-25T08:30:00.001-04:00

Roman 1:1b continues a description of Paul’s relationships. As we saw yesterday Paul was a servant to Jesus. Today we see that he is “set apart.” Wow what a concept. Just like our servitude to Jesus will change our relationship with him so shall our set apart nature change our relationship with this world. Paul says that he is set apart for the Gospel. You see kids, when we come to saving relationship with Christ he sets us apart from the world. I guess it is like when you get really good at algebra in school and the school sets you apart in a more advanced class. Well we are not in an advanced class (and we for sure are not really good) but we are specializing in something. We are specializing in the Gospel. We are set apart from the things that this world specializes in. It specializes in feeding its own desires. It specializes in following its own path. It specializes in getting its way. But we on the other hand have been set aside for the gospel. Really what that means is that we have been set aside to make the gospel known. We have been set aside to helping people out of darkness and into light. Like I said this changes our relationship with the world. We now have a responsibility to the world. Not like the green-peace folks say that we do. No, their commitment is a temporal one. Our commitment is an eternal one. We are now on a different path. This is not a path to prosperity or even really happiness. It is a path toward the things of God: the joy and peace he offers, the purpose he offers, the home he offers.

Romans 1:1

2008-09-24T08:43:00.001-04:00

so this morning i am reading Romans...i started it yesterday but i realized that i had only skimmed it and not paid much attention as we often do when reading the Bible...so i started reading it this morning and i could not get past 1:1.....actually i could not get past 1:1a....."Paul, a servant to Christ Jesus" !!!!!!! do you hear that? a SERVANT to Jesus Christ. Many times in our life we think of Jesus as our friend, or as our brother in Christ...but how many times do we honestly think of ourselves as Jesus' servant!.....I think that would change everything about our relationship with him....The other day i was reading Foster's Celebration of Discipline, a book on the spiritual disciplines, and he talks about service. He remarks how service is a way of freeing ourselves to not get our way.....WOW!....do you get the irony in that....normally when we see something or someone as free we think about their ability to get their own way...but here foster is saying that service frees us NOT to get our way.....now go back to being the servant of Jesus Christ.....just think of the freedom that, that voluntary service would bring to our lives.....If we actually submitted to him and became his servant we would be free not to get our way....how many of us are living life in which we are trapped in "our way"....it is our way that got us to this point....it is our way that actually hurts us....but in our service to Jesus Christ we are free to not suffer from our own decisions....

now all of this brings me to another point that, it is OUR choice to submit ourselves to Jesus service.....but that is for another day or maybe this afternoon....

today, you might wanna pray like i am this morning.....Jesus how can i be your servant today? what does that mean for me in class....what does that mean for me in the office and on the sidewalk.....Jesus what does being your servant mean in terms of my job interview.....in a job interview you are "supposed" to be self aggrandizing....well how can i go to this meeting and serve you....

Anyway...ttyl

startin up the blog thing again

2008-09-23T23:16:00.001-04:00

so yea i think i enjoy writing notes....maybe this will turn into my new blog....even though blogs in and of themselves are kinda funny.....they are based on the idea that the blog writer thinks he is important enough or has something so profound to say that everyone will wanna read it....well my issue is that i dont have anyone to talk to all day...i mean if a few people had not called me today (and today was actually unsual on that front) i would not have had a conversation with someone since about 10:50 this morning...that is crazy! so i have alot of stuff to say.....well that is until right now....i dont have a ton to say right now....except that i am going home on Thursday and that i have a job interview tomorrow.....woohoo on both accounts!...i can't wait.....tomorrow is actually my favorite day of the week....i really enjoy my pastoral minstry class...we talk about practial stuff in ministry....like tomorrow we are talking about "leaving well" in other words, "how to quit!"...sweet! that implies that i will not be fired....which is so much more likely! haha.....

so yea today i went to Tulane again to study...i dont know why i go there....i mean it is not like all of my friends here on campus are keeping me doing my work...i guess i just feel more comfortable in a liberal enviroment! haha....but they do have a new student center (but no electrical outlets)....they also have a nice food court but i am afraid to buy anything b/c they might ask for my ID or something then realize that i am not a student and then kick me out.....which would be sad.....oh yea btw (by the way) i had some really good "new york pizza" last night at this place on magazine st.....it was great.....but the price was kinda inflated.....maybe that is for like shipping and handleing cost from nyc....haha.....

so yea thursday i have test.....jeez! i have no clue what to do....i think i am gonna wing it!...haha...after filling out the "study guide" he gave us i have 9...yea count them...9 pages of typed notes to study plus 2 maps full of places i cant pronounce (much less spell! and the lord god almight knows this over educated boy can't spell)... on top of the 9 pages and the maps i have to memorize the dates and names of the different historical periods from the neolithic period to the early arab period.....and just for you knowledge here they are....

5000-4300 BC (or as like to say, just becuase i am a rebel) Neolithic period
4300-3300 BC Chalcolithic
3300-2300 BC Early Bronze
(2300-2000 BC Intermediate Bronze)
2300-1550 BC Middle Bronze
1550-1200 BC Late Bronze
1200-1000 BC Iron I
1000-586 BC Iron 2
586-332 BC Persian (Iron 3)
332-63 (37) BC Hellenistic
63 (37)BC- 70 AD Herodian
70 -324 AD Roman
324-640 AD Byzantium
640-1099 AD Early Arab

so yea i got the titles right without looking and did fine on the dates until they stoped being easy....some are ok to remember like 70AD (the destruction of the temple) and 1099 AD (the first crusade) but jeez man....i guess my issue is i HATE and always have hated objective information...even when i taught i did not have people memorize a ton of objective info....and when i was at NYU we were taught to teach so that the kids had to anaylize the info not just spit it back at me....of course with that one might see a post modern bent to my ideas....

ok whatever i want to go to bed.....

what i have learned

2008-09-23T23:15:00.001-04:00

(this is my article for the EBC newsletter coming out next week...it has not been proofread so get over it! haha)

So what have I learned in the past month? Oh man where should I begin? How about The Providence of God? What about The Faithfulness of God? Oh yea and lets not forget the Mercies and Graces of God! But let me tell you something else I have been forced to remember….life is hard. Being on staff at a church we often forget what real life is like. Now I grant you, I am a seminary student so yes I am not “in the trenches.” But over the past few weeks I have remembered that many times our lives can be cumbersome and they can be messy. Seriously, lets set aside those devastating moments in life and think about the everyday. Today, yes today, was messy. You interacted with people. You might have argued with people. You might even have waved at another driver using only one finger. (or does that happen only in New Orleans?) But more than those things, today someone might have hurt you deeply. Today you might have been tempted in a way that you have not been in years. Today, just out of the blue, you might have thought about that night ten or twenty years ago when that, whatever that is, happened. Yall those are the things we experience. Those are the things that have reminded me of God’s faithfulness and His providence and yes His mercies and His grace. Life is hard, but never forget that you are sons and daughters of the King who is faithful in spite of out faithlessness and is sovereign in all things.

Please continue to you pray for me as strive for righteousness. Moreover, to use one of Mark’s inane expressions, I am looking at this call that God has put on my life like a cow looking at a new gate. I don’t understand how he could call me to lead people. Yet, he has. Please keep me in your prayers that I will become the man God has called me to be so that I can be the leader He wants me to be.

the article i wanted to print

2008-07-31T14:56:00.001-04:00

this is the newsletter article i wanted to write for the newsletter, but felt like i shouldn't print

Many of you might remember the article I wrote a few months ago about the declining membership of the Southern Baptist Convention. Well today I want to bring it home to us. I want to look at how we as a church can save ourselves from the fate of so many others. Many (me included) want to blame someone else for the decline in the church. Isn’t that our sinful nature, to blame someone else. So lets be honest for a minute Lets look at ourselves (let me look at myself). Some want to blame the deacons (I have); some what to blame the staff (I have. I have even blamed myself); some want to blame the membership (I have). Some even want to blame God. We say he is punishing us; or growing us; or pruning us (I have said all of those). But I want to stop blaming someone else. Its like if you see someone drowning. You don’t stop to place blame. No. You get them to the shore and you begin CPR. You begin to breathe life into them. To bring something to life you must put life into it? Well yall I want us to jump in the water and rescue ourselves and breathe life into ourselves. But here is the kicker. You, me, we are the church and you, me, we are drowning. How can a drowning man breath life into another drowning man. He can’t! You, me, we can’t breath life back into the drowning if we are drowning. But HE can! God can….wait let me be specific. Jesus can. The Father can. The Holy Spirit can.

So you say, “Alright little, mister, preach-boy-wanna-be what is the answer?” Well thanks for asking! (ha) The answer is God’s answer to it all—GRACE! I have begun to go back to something Bro. Richard said soon after God sent him here to shepherd us. He said, “I need much grace and give out much grace.” WOW what a picture of the church. You see the church is all about community—relationships. Jesus does not build institutions; He builds a network of relationships that will coalesce into the Bride.

Yall the answer for the declining American church (and for EBC) is not better communication, or more church fellowships, or more “heartfelt” sermons, or a better understanding of evangelism, or a better understanding of our role, or more people serving, or revamped programs. Those are not the answer; they are the outcome of the answer. The answer is grace. When I understand the grace that was poured out on me, I will pour out grace on others and will communicate better, evangelize better, serve better, fellowship better, even plan better, and organize better.

Yall it is about being the church not doing church. For far to many years we have been doing church. Well, unless we want to be wards of an empty vision we are going to have to start being the church.

Christ used a metaphor to describe the Christian life once. He said it is like being born again. From what I understand (having never actually been present) when a baby is born everyone is waiting to hear it cry because they know it is taking its first breath. That breath is life being brought into the lungs. When we were born again we took a breath of the purest air ever. But I think we have begun breathing polluted (sinful) air again. It is time we look to Jesus and take a fresh breath of air, the air of Grace. We need to begin to breath grace in and breath it out and begin to love.

So yall this is my last article I will write for you. So I want to leave you with this exhortation: Stop blaming; stop looking for bible verses to prove your right; stop threatening to leave; stop gossiping; and stop writing each other letters of discontentment. START honestly, truly, loving each other because if we don’t then an empty vision will turn into an empty building. And you, I, us will not be able to blame anyone except me, you, we for it.

And don’t forget the 19,000 lost people in Greenville. God will not and if we don’t start once more being the church, God will raise up another people to reach those 19,000 because he will never forget them.

2008-06-12T15:37:00.002-04:00

lions for lambs

2008-06-01T23:02:00.002-04:00

**disclaimer:this is a reflection on the state of the American church not one particular church.

I watched the movie lions for lambs tonight. We will leave the politics of the movie for another day. I, on the other hand, want to talk for second about the title of the movie and its origin. During the movie we get one of those title-of-the-movie-in-the-movie moments. Robert Redford's character tells how during WWII German soldiers, who respected their their British counterparts, wondered on the idiocy of their superiors. The Germans would remark "Never before have such lions been led by such lambs."

That line lays out for me the feeling I have regarding church members of their leadership. I am gonna take Church Staff out of the picture for a moment and look at the real leaders of the church, those men and women who "will be there long after the pastor leaves."

It seems to me that the church is full of lions. Very seldom have I ever encountered a large groups of church members who would not charge the enemy lines, much like the thousands of ill-fated British soldiers. They are willing; they are hungry to do things for the kingdom. However, so ofter I see the leadership who simply lead them to the "slaughter." Instead of equipping them for great things, they lead them to build softball fields or they worry about financial numbers and attendance numbers. The leadership is responsible for slaughtering the excitement and dreams of the membership.

It is time for the leadership to LEAD the lambs to greatness not just mediocrity.

just my two cents

j-

WIBO

2008-05-24T01:42:00.002-04:00

So i attended the Whiteboard Sessions conference this past Thursday...and let me say it was grear. I will have to say that the guy who hit me the most was a guy who i had heard of in the blogosphere but did not know a whole lot about. His name is vince antonucci. He is pastor of Forefront Church in Virginia Beach VA. You can read the notes from his blog at tonymorganlive.com (just scroll down to the post on vince).

Anyway he talked for a second about his experience of coming to faith. he asked how it was possible for him to live in the US for 20 years and still no nothing AT ALL about Christianity? Yall it is amazing what a simple conversion story can tell us about ourselves.

I am spending this weekend in NYC and process the conference and relaxing before my crazy summer kicks in and then my crazy first semester at seminary kicks in. Today i was standing in a store over looking Union Square and i was thinking "how is that all these people can go all of there lives without knowing anything about christianity?" How is that? seriously, how?

Then i got to thinking about John Burkes talk (again see tony's blog). He was talking about staying connected. Today again while having conversations with a believer in nyc i was stunned about the state of the church (i love the church and help lead it, God help me, therefore i should ask questions about it). How is that that so many christians (and as John pointed out so many of us) can go through live without being connected? John encouraged us, as leaders, to develop systems to help them stay connected.

If you put John's and Vince's ideas together, maybe we, as a church, really need to consider how to develop systems to teach the unchurched and de-churched about faith and then to develop systems to help the "saved" stay connected.

an answer came from another WiBo speaker. Mark Dever. He encouraged pastors (i will encourage church leadership) to say what must be said from the the pulpit and let the church live it. out. Perry Noble, if you know him then you will expect it, said something similar.

so how do we help solve VInce's problem as well John's? As leaders we need to develop a culture of connection to the vine and develop systems to help people stay connected so that they can live that out in their personal lives (as Ed Stetzer pointed out at the conference too) and evangelistically.

"Mac VS PC" leadership lessons

2008-05-15T11:26:00.003-04:00

I was reading an article in the June issue of Fast Company about the marketing firm that has been tasked with "saving" Microsoft from those bullying "Mac vs. PC" ads. At the conclusion of the article it says this

"But Microsofts increasing desire to be all things to all people...means it may have to do more than just make consumers aware that is is the massive force behind so much of their lives. It may need to make people willing, even eager to cede that much control to a single company."

In light of working at a church that is need of revitalization. I can somewhat identify with Microsoft. They have been the driving force behind the Personal Computer world for the past 30 years, but now people seem to be turning on them in droves. Emmanuel Church, has been a driving force for the gospel in the lives of our people for at least 15 years, but it seems like we are having very little impact on the lives of our membership and in our city. There seems to be a disconnect between the leadership and membership. Its different from Microsoft whose leaders are "isolated and unable to move and take corrective action." Emmanuels leadership seems to desire "corrective action" but are not able to impliment it due to a lack of trust by the membership of the staff. Maybe we need to do more than make members aware that the church has been the massive force behind their spiritual lives. Instead we need to get people to be willing, even eager to cede that much control to leadership.

How do you do that? Well I think starts with relationships. I mean look at "Mac vs PC" ads. I understand that Apple has me in strangle hold when it comes to software and utitlites I need to create media for the church, but I don't feel as negatively toward them as I do toward Microsoft. Maybe its because I think I could be friends with the Mac guy in the commercial or in an alternate universe, Steve and I could be pals. I dont fell that way about Microsoft. I think we need to learn from Apples marketing firm.

The first step to leading is realtionships.

260!

2008-02-14T17:15:00.002-05:00

Today I have been working on a list of all of the service opportunities at Emmanuel. It has been quiet a challenge getting all of this together, but I am almost done. I divided my list into two categories: those with staff positions directly overseeing them and those with laymen directly overseeing them. Just within the staff led ministries we have 260 volunteer opportunities.

That really freaks me out. We have approximate 400 adults in worship on Sunday morning with a total of about 500 people in campus during that time. I am a little freaked out that we have possible over programmed ourselves. When putting together this list, I have noted those that service opportunities that have not been filled. Most of these are in places that are very important, most notably are Guest Services and Discipleship. And I honestly believe we are killing those workers who are signed up in the other area.

This is a serious problem; one which I have no clue how to rectify. I understand that I need to develop a culture of service, but man oh man!

Bell Labs

2008-02-14T17:02:00.003-05:00

I read an ariticle in Fast Company the other day about Bell Labs. If you are like me and are too young to really remember Bell Labs, it was a groups of about 3000 researchers, scientist, and general innovators who worked together to invite really cool stuff. This got me to thinking about the church. What if we could create a Bell Labs for the church. Just think what it would be like to get a group of the church's best innovators together; to live together; to study together. Just imagine what would come out of it. I know this is almost impossible, but we do get close to it in the blogosphere. If you read someone like www.benarment.com or www.tonymorganlive.com and look over their blog roll you will find the Bell Labs of the church.

Just a thought

first attempt at graphic design

2007-01-13T21:44:00.000-05:00

just a thought.....

The Lady in the Water

2006-07-22T01:51:00.000-04:00

A savior comes to earth. The savior comes from a land of perfection that, while it knows evil, is not corrupted by evil. The savior comes with the power to lead the earth into love and peace. That power is instilled into man and that man will suffer a martyrs death as he fulfills his purpose. With the completion of the good work, the savior must ascend to the perfect world. The evil beast is working to kill the savior and prevent the ascension. The ascension must happen to usher in the kingdom of peace promised by the savior. Those chose before the foundation of the world all play their part to usher in the kingdom. The guild works, the healer heals, the interpreter teaches humanity, and finally the guardian is there to protect.

This is a summary of M. Night Shyamalan new movie, the Lady in the Water. This movie is a bed time story. Like every bed time story, this story has a moral. This movie tells us, like Signs, that we are all here for a purpose. However, this story moves past the generalities of that movie. Lady in the Water is a picture of the Christian Church. The plot line spends most of its energy finding the disciples who will usher in the kingdom. These disciples must all use the skills given to them by fate, by God(?). If it were not for these disciples, the kingdom of peace could not take its place in the world. However, it is only as they come together as one body that they are able to fulfill their purpose.

The Lady in the Water does not stop with ecclesiology. This story touches on the question of theodocy. This is the human question. The story asks us, where is justice? Why is evil allowed to wage war without judgment? We learn from this story that, while justice is slow in coming, it is coming. Justice comes just in time. Just in time to teach us what we need to learn and to let us see what we need to see.

Did M. Night Shyamalan set out to write a story about the church? I don’t know. Maybe he is just answering the questions that plague all of humanity. Why am I here? Why do I enjoy doing crossword puzzles? Why have I been placed in this seemingly meaningless situation? Moreover, does God care about me; does he care that I hurt? I don’t know M. Night Shyamalan, but one has to wonder about his spiritual journey. From The Village’s critic of religion the to Signs’ observance that their some sort of order in the universe to this present bedtime story we can see that he (or maybe we as the viewer) is headed somewhere. I wonder where the journey will lead.

2006-07-14T14:22:00.000-04:00

K-Love did this article on our church's Summer Evangelism project.....

I thought some of yall might wanna hear it....(and pass it on)

click on this link (http://www.klove.com/News/Default.aspx)
then click on "spiritual"
then click on "Listen" (below the title "thousands impacted by Mississippi church summer of service")
(by the way "impact" is not a verb!) :)

I am not sure how often they rotate these stories, but
right now it is at the top of the list.

and if you have k-love in your area tune in to the hear
the radio version of this article.

barriers

2006-06-30T12:55:00.000-04:00

One of the best ways to educate someone is the Socratic Method. Instead of telling a student “the answer” a good teacher will guide the student through a series of question. As the students things about the questions and then poses. Questions of his own he will eventually discover “the answer.” However, if the original question is flawed the lesson learned may not be the lesson the teacher was trying to instill. Therefore, teachers must learn to ask the right question.

As churches try to reach the unchured and de-churched population in there community they often ask the wrong question. Man churches ask, “What can we do to attract people tour campus or worship service.” This is the wrong question and it will lead to the wrong answer. This question will cause the church to start new programs and develop new ministries. However, we all know that more is not always better. Actually, more can be the death nail for a church. Instead of trying to attract people to church, church leaders need to ask a different question.

The more appropriate question to ask is “What invisible barriers are keeping people away from out church?” While an attraction model might lead to more programs, this question will lead to a simple church and possibly a scaling back of programs. We have learned in the past few decades that the traditional Sunday morning “dress code” was a barrier for many people. Many people have to dress up all week long and do not want to put on a suit on Sunday too. However, some people simply cannot afford to “dress up.” The church at which I serve is located in an economically depressed area. As we try to reach out to out community we have discovered that many people do not have “Sunday clothes.” One of our pastors has a conversation with an African American lady. He discovered that she did not attend church on Sunday because she could not afford a “big fancy hat” to wear nor could her husband afford a nice suit. It is obvious that external factors keep people away from church, but what about the internal factors?

Apprehension about what to do in church keeps people away. This wall can be breached in several ways. Many churches have links on their websites that describe to potential quest what to expect when they arrive. Another answer to this dilemma is the Podcast. Numerous churches see the Podcast as an evangelistic tool. However, it can serve as a “marketing” tool as well. A quest will know what to expect form the sermon. She will know if the message is “hell-fire and brimstone” or if it is more topical and focused on life issues. Along the same lines churches can send CD’s or DVD’s into the community to let people know what to expect when they get to the worship service.

Another barrier to a potential guest might be your church building or campus itself. Our campus is over 100 acres and has 9 buildings. This can be really confusing to a guest especially if the signage explaining where to go is not strategically placed and informative. The answer to a confusing church or a campus might simply be new signs. A better answer might be the personal touch. You might want to station people at every entrance to your church or campus. These people can direct guest to the appropriate place. Even better than this solution, would be to direct them to a centralized welcome center. At the welcome center your “Guest Relations Expert” (AKA a friendly, well informed church member) can engage your guest in conversation and help them figure out where to go. This person can then take the guest to the appropriate place. The Guest Relations Expert (GRE) should first take the visiting family to the children’s and youth area and introduce them to the teacher for their child’s class. After the children are taken care of the GRE can take the parents to the mall group specially designed for them. However, it does not stop there. After the small group time, the GRE for the Adult class should walk the parents to pick up their children and then sit with them during the service. The GRE can act as a guide for the guest so they will know how to act during the service.

Christianity is about break down barriers. This was the goal of Christ’s atoning sacrifice. He broke down the barriers between God and humankind. I encourage you to look around your church and begin to identify the barriers that are keeping people away from your church. Only after you tear down the walls can you begin to ask the question, “What can we do to attract people to our now attractive church?

Summer of Service '06

2006-06-22T11:09:00.000-04:00

Servant Evangelism, you have heard of it. You have railed against it, but have you seen it in action. Have you seen the faces of God's people living out his love for believers and non-believers? I have; it is amazing. According to Nelson Searcy, pastor of the Journey Church of the City in New York City, Servant Evangelism is “doing intentional acts of kindness with the express purpose of sharing the good news of Jesus Christ.” The summer of 2006 has been the Summer of Service at Emmanuel Church, in Greenville.

For the first six weeks of summer, we committed to leaving the church house and going out into the community. On Sunday nights, we meet at the church and then send out around two hundred people to serve our community. During this time, we have touched close to ten thousand people with the love God. How do we do this? We stand on street corners and give out free bottles of water. We go to Wal-Mart and wash windows. We go to the parks and give out free Popsicles. We go door to door, and we give out hundreds of bags of groceries. We have even gone to gas stations and pumped people’s gas and washed their windshield. All of this is done with no strings attached! We do not overtly invite people to Emmanuel; we let the accompanying connection card do that. We do not force the Roman Road on them or the Four Spiritual Laws. Servant Evangelism is not about that.

In his books Irresistible Evangelism and Conspiracy of Kindness, Steve Sjogren explains the place that SE plays in leading people to Christ. Imagine the road to Salvation as a golf course. A driver is used to put the ball in play. Then different clubs help move the ball toward the green. Then finally, while on the green, the putter helps place the ball into the hole. Far too often we think of “witnessing” as playing the green and using the putter. However, not every person is ready to “pray the prayer.” Therefore, we can not use the putter when “witnessing” to them. SE is the driver. Intentional acts of kindness will cause not-yet-Christians to ask questions. It will cause them to wonder about this thing called Christianity.

Servant evangelism is not something that will lead to an immediate salvation. In reality, once you put the ball into play you might never see it again. With SE you usually get to answer one question, “Why are you doing this?” Your answer, “I am simply trying to show God’s love in a practical way, with no strings attached.” Your answer may lead to a conversation, but it will probably lead to a funny look. Regardless of the initial response you have done the job of planting the seed of salvation.

Servant Evangelism is not only a good thing for not-yet-Christians, but it is also a good thing for the body of Christ. This summer having moved our Sunday night service to the street corner and the parking lot, I have watched friendship form between people. I have watched hearts re-kindle with a passion for God. I have watched new leaders step out from the crowd and take the reigns of ministry. Probably the best effect of SE on our local body has been the resurgence of excitement. When people come back on Sunday night excited about doing missions, watch out! When kids tell their parents “this is more fun than playing video games,” watch out! When people are sad because you do not go out and serve and instead you stay in and “have church,” watch out! Watch out because God is moving; He is unleashing a generation of people who are passionate about serving people into the Kingdom of God.

For information on Servant Evangelism projects please navigate your web browser to www.kindness.com.

B. B. and Jesus

2006-05-30T22:44:00.000-04:00

Tonight I was listening to some good ole blues music. Actually it was the CD of blues music I made when I was in NYC, when I was feeling a little home sick for my Faulknerian south. The music got me thinking about first times. Can you imagine what it felt like to hear B. B. King for the first time? This not something I experienced because I feel like I have heard this music all of my life. For me it seems like this music has been the sound track to my life playing somewhere in the background where I did not notice it but there it was.

For me the gospel is this way. It has been the background melody to my life. For years I could not hear it, but it was there. It was that thing to which I tapped my foot. I lived my live in the shadow of the Gospel, and whether I knew it or not it was influencing my decisions and how I lived my life. Then there was a day when I sat quietly and heard it. Just like when a Southerner really hears the picking on the guit-fiddle for the first time, it changed my life. It changed the way looked at the sky and the way I responded to the wind.

Now imagine with me someone who grew up with out B. B. in the background. Imagine how their mind must have raced when they first heard him, whey they heard Lucille (B. B.’s guitar) wail out in painful ecstasy. That is how it is when someone hears the Gospel, the true Gospel of grace and love, for the first time. Just like B. B. awakens our musical soul, The Gospel will awaken the soul. The Gospel story will leave them waiting more and more. They want more and more of that Thing that will leave them never wanting.

Just a thought.

guest relations

2006-05-23T10:39:00.000-04:00

I was reading an entry on Steve Sjogren's blog about racism and it got me thinking about "first impressions" and about being a church that is good at "guest relations."

he talks about people who "save seats" in church so they will not have to sit by people they don't like (in the case of his blog, people of color). Anyway, I thought it might be a fun challenge our
people to never save seats! Imagine a typical (i.e. white, middle class) couple coming to church for the first time and they are told that they cannot sit somewhere b/c the seat is saved. What message does that send? It tells the guest that we as a church value the comfort of our friends and current church members over our guest.

What about those people who save seats for the people they invited to church? Well they should not be sitting in the church waiting on them. they should be outside by the front door waiting on them so they can walk them into the "worship center."

anyway, just a thought on another way to challenge our people to outward
focused

Servant Evangelism Mississippi style

2006-05-22T16:54:00.000-04:00

This weekend our town was home to Showfest, a minitruck competition. The show brought in about 750 cars and trucsk from across the country and a population increase of about 10,000 people. God blessed our church by placing our campus about 400 yards from this event. For the past three years we have reached out to the participants and the spectators at Showfest. This year we passed out 3000 bottles of water, 500 Relevant magazines, 500 Radiant magazines, 144 bibles, and 40(ish) Purpose Driven Life books. When doing the math, I assumed that probably half of the magazines were given out with a bottle of water so I figure we touched about 3500 people with the love of God. We also cleaned the port-o-potties. We put up tents at three port-o-potty stations and focused on those, but we had some hardcore folks who walked around to clean the other stations.

Sunday morning we were buying tickets for our workers to get in and when the admissions
people heard what were doing they let us come in for free (that saved us alot of cash!). They
were super shocked that anyone would want to clean port-o-potties.

I want to share two stories from this weekend. When we set up our tents on Friday, none
of the participants had arrived yet. Saturday morning was a shock for some of our participants.
I sent them to their tents and within a few minutes one of golf carts (oh yea, we had free taxies
to shuttle people around the event) was back at the main tent with some an update. It seems
that the Girls Gone Wild tent was right beside ours!! That did not daunt our crew. We gave
them water and talked to them all day. At some point of the camera man came over to apologize. It seems that he is a Christian whose company got contracted by GGW. We saw these guys again on Sunday morning when we took free sausage and biscuits to the hotels in town. I think it is great for Christ followers to simply befriend people and be there to support Christians who find themselves in strange situations.

Another one of our tents we privileged to meet Paul. Paul is a young man in the military who
happen to be at the show. Paul was shocked to find someone who actually wished him a
good day. He was even more blown away when one of our girls offered to pray for him. Paul ended up having an extended conversation with one of our ministry leaders and made a commitment to follow God. He gave us his contact information, and our leadership has made a commitment to disciple this man no matter what part of the world he goes to.

On Sunday night, after Showfest, we did out first church wide out reach to our city. We passed out another 1000 bottles of water and washed windshields in the Wal-Mart parking lot.

In just two day our church touched at least 4500 people with God's practical love.

Mushroom Taster

2006-05-01T01:36:00.000-04:00

I have a closet full of clothes. I am pretty much a clothes junky. However, I have a problem. I have no cool place to buy clothes. This is the same situation many church's are in. They love ministering just as much as I love clothes. The church also has the same problems as me. They have no cool place to get ministry......... Whoa! That is not the church's problem! Let me explain.

For me to get cool clothes I have to go Jackson, Memphis, or (when I save up enough money to visit my friends) New York. But for the church to get ministry ideas they only have to look around and pray for god to open their eyes. Who is in need of ministry and who is God sending to the church. How though are we to ministry to the unchurched and the dechurched? We are to be "relevant" right? Well of course we are! We are to be relevant first in the message we present to people. We are to present to a gospel so that it actually has bearing on their lives. Moreover, we are to be relevant in the way we present this good news. How do we determine what methods are relevant and which ideas are "so last fall." Is pink still the new black or is brown? Can we still do church in a Starbucks? What about places that still don't have Starbucks? (Yes, those places do exist. The closest Starbucks to me is two hours away.)

I think when we measure the relevancy factor of something we look to MTV or ABC then we adopt that for our churches. But to be honest by the time we realize that the mass media outlets are one to something, it is not cool any more. For example, the church might be looking to MTV while right now it should be looking to Current Television. Maybe this is still wrong. Maybe we should not be looking anywhere to see what is relevant. Instead of having our finger on the pulse of culture, maybe we should be like the pacemaker and regulate the pulse.

This is where I need help! Emmanuel Church is looking to reach the unchurched and the dechurched. But to be honest I am at a lose on what to do. I am thinking in terms of a new worship experience. How can we structure this gathering so that its beating in rhythm with the culture. I know many of you are not from Mississippi and many of you live in worlds where the culture is completely alien to us down here. What I need from you is ideas.

In his book The Barbarian Way, Erwin McManus talks about the mission of Mosaic. He says it is their job to taste mushrooms. He likens being innovative to tasting mushrooms to see if they are poisonous. Most people are going to let someone else taste the mushroom. If the brave soul kills over, everyone knows the mushroom is bad. If he lives, then everyone eats mushrooms. It is the same with the church. We let other people be innovative. If they are successful, we adopt their methods. Mosaic's job is to eat untested mushrooms. I want to try some mushrooms. I want you to send me your ideas. I want to east some mushrooms. E-mail your ideas on how to reach the unchurched and dechurched. Again I am thinking in terms of a worship experience. I am already sold on the servant evangelism method of meeting people, but I want to come up with a "church service" that will meet their needs.

No idea is too far fetched and nothing is too crazy. e-mail me jcardinell@dixieconnect.com

Just a question

2006-04-19T20:09:00.000-04:00

I was thinking today. Actually I was reading an article in RELEVANT Magazine about community. This article caused me think about Christianity, the religion not the relational Christ-following that we are called to, but the social-political construction of Christianity. I was thinking that maybe we, Christ-followers, look at our religion wrongly. Christianity is an out growth, some would say a divinely inspired evolution, of Judaism. Lamin Sanneh says that Christianity has been translated over the years. First it was Jewish faith that was translated into a Greco-Roman faith that was then translated into a Northern European faith. This Northern European faith was then translated into an American faith (see The Democratization of American Christianity by Nathan Hatch) and an African faith and an Asian faith (see “Encounter with Modernity: The McDonaldizationand Charismatization of Korean Mega-churches” by Young-Gi Hong). Some will think this a liberal trash, but I think it makes since. When we translate a sentence from English to Spanish, it says that same thing. However, the translation says the “truth” of our original sentence in words that Spanish speakers can understand. This is what happened to Christianity. The truth of the gospel message was translated into a “language” that is understandable to different cultures. This idea of translation has a direct implication on the way we “do” missions. If I go to Mexico and transliterate my sentence into Spanish the Spanish speakers will have a more difficult time understanding my message than if I follow the rules of Spanish grammar. Furthermore, if I use idioms that are common place to people of Mexico the message of my sentence will be even easier to understand. The same reality applies to the gospel message. If we “transliterate” the truths of my faith into another culture, the people will have a hard time understanding it. However, if I explain my faith in light of their culture they will understand it more easily.

That was not really was I was thinking about when I was reading the magazine article. What I thinking about is really more of a question. Here is my question, is Judaism an eastern religion or a western one. I reckon that it is an eastern religion and that Christianity too is an eastern religion. Therefore, I have another question, should we not interpret our faith in oriental terms rather than occidental ones? But that calls into question the idea of translation. If Christianity is translated into another culture, is that correct. Or should we begin to de-translate Christianity and return it to the eastern religion that it was. But this leads to another question if I am to de-translate (de-construct??) Christianity what process do I use. For example the Christianity that is present in Korea developed by way of north European Christianity. As a result, do I back track and remove from Korean-Christianity first its Korean-ness then its north European-ness then its Greco-roman-ness in an effort to return it to yet again an eastern faith.

I don’t know, but I am thinking that a faith that holds to the truths of the gospel and that is understandable in one’s culture is a good thing.

an update

2006-04-17T15:45:00.000-04:00

so yea....It has been a while,

a quick update, I am back in Mississippi--normally I would follow that with a sarcastic woohoo, but I honestly think God is doing something in me by having me here.....I am working at Emmanuel Church as a ministry assistant...it is typical assistant stuff...but I am digging it more than you might imagine....I got to work on the planning and implementation of the guest reception room...I am getting to work on the summer SOS program....I can't tell you want SOS is so don't ask--haha.....you will find out on May 14th....on that day Emmanuel will take a trip down a road that God has been molding us for (is that a mixed metaphor, not sure)....anyway, the best thing about being here is that I am getting to learn....that is all I want to do right now...God has called me into the ministry and all I was looking for when I left NYC was a place to learn....that is what I have found...my prayer now is simply that God continue to do something in me and then begin to do stuff through me.

anyway.....that is enough for now...just know that this thing is up and running again....

Odin's Wain

2006-01-24T00:56:00.000-05:00

Most nights I go outside after most people are in bed. I like to go out and look at the stars. I love to gaze up at them. This was one of the worst things about living in New York City; I never got to see the stars. I don't look at the stars and wonder what it would be like to see them up close or wonder where they came from or wonder what it would be like to fly through the gas giant Jupiter. Instead, I have this odd sensation that they are looking out for me, protecting me. When I am standing out in the dark on the banks of the Mississippi and watch the barges float past in the night I imagine that Orion has watched over me when I was in trouble and that he there with me. He is a god who does not know the future and god who cannot do anything for me, but he is there watching. Orion says to me, "J I know it is hard, but I am here."
Recently I read a book that caused me to rethink my relationship with Orion, and has caused me to look at the stars with a wary eye. Neil Gaiman is book American Gods tell the story of the big dipper.

"Odin's Wain, they call it. The Great Bear. Where we come form, we believe that is a, a thing, a, not a god, but like a god, a bad thing, chained up in those stars. If it escapes, it will eat the whole of everything. And there are three sisters who must watch the sky all day, all night. If he escapes, the thing in the stars, the world is over. Pf!. like that"

Now when I go out at night and look at Orion and his counterparts I understand that he is not a god, but a thing. He is thing that could come down and destroy me. I understand him now, not to be my watch in the night but to a picture of my sin.

My sin has been there through it all, watching me. Grinning at me saying, "It's ok J; I will take care of everything." But I understand Sin, that thing, is simply a bear waiting to escape and eat my whole world, and Pf!. just like that its all over. I understand that, by way of Christ's substitutional death, I am no longer sin-full. It is a fact that when God looks at me I am clean and pure, but sin is still a problem. The truth is still there that this thing wants only to bring about death. It is waiting to devour my life. Sin can't have my soul, but this life is still up in the air. God has promised me so much. I mean how much more can He promise for this life than an abundant life filled with peace? But sin is there waiting for me to unleash it and give it reign over my life.

So what must I do? I must understand that there are three persons watching out for me. They are holding the monster in check. They have promised that he cannot get to me unless I want him to. Therefore, I must be vigilant and watch the night sky and tell him that he cannot have me, for my life is not mine to give.

The digital divide

2006-01-16T15:01:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine is having her freshman English class maintain a blog for the duration of the semester. I think is a great idea. For one it is a way of incorporating technology into the class work. Moreover, it an innovative way of have the students respond to what is done in class. While I think this is a good idea, it does cause me to ask questions about the digital divide.

I understand that every student as this school has access to computers with internet access, and I would imagine that they each have a computer of their own. However, I wonder at the implication of assuming that students have and know how to use a computer. Has a computer become a necessity for a citizen in the US and if so has internet access become just as necessary?

just a thought....

January 16 2006

2006-01-16T14:33:00.000-05:00

In C.S. Lewis' book Prince Caspian the high prince of Tashbann set out on an errand to conquer the land of Archerland. He set with only the tacit approval of the king and therefore his god. Upon arriving his Archerland he was defeated in a battle with the army of Narnia. The honorable god of Narnia Aslan punished the prince by turning him into a donkey and forced him to return to Tashbann in shame. The prince had every intention of returning to his homeland as a conquering knight. Instead, he was forced to return in ridicule and lived his entire life as fool.

hmmm......this sounds somewhat familiar.

Epiphany

2006-01-09T17:55:00.000-05:00

The common trend among many evangelical (and yes fundamentalist) churchs is to have a theme that lasts for several weeks. During those weeks the Sunday sermons follow the theme, and in the more organized churches even the small group classes as well. For example, my home church right now is returning to the basics of Christianity. (However, I think we should spend much longer on the basics and define "the basics" in a more useful manner, but that is another conversation all together.) I think many of these churches would find themselves in less of a quandary finding a good theme if they would simply returned to the basics of the Christian tradition.

I am suggesting a return to the liturgical calendar. I am not suggesting that these churches subscribe totally to the high church ways of organizing their church services. Instead, I would encourage them to simply adopt the calendar. For example if they were to simply follow the
calendar, this season would be a time to focus on Jesus and who he is. This time of the
year is called Epiphany (http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001191.cfm -- an article by Lauren Winner explaining the season). Epiphany then leads us into the Lenten season and that into Easter.

I simply think this will allow us to focus our worship service and thereby our churches.

Just a thought....

wanderlust

2005-12-22T02:51:00.000-05:00

so yea, I guess I should have mentioned my birthday...I totally skipped it...I guess the reason I did not post anything was because I as alone all day in a car driving to an interview that was pointless. But it is odd that I failed to mention it....I mean almost every month I take note of my "birthday day." I did get lots of text and phone calls. It is weird the people who call/text to wish you a happy birthday. I know that they did not remember it, there phone reminded most of them I am sure...but still the fact they took the 5.5 seconds to text me of the 2 minutes to call me does say something about them. It is funny b/c I only responded to one of the text....I guess the fact that I did not respond to most of them and that I responded to this particular one says something about me.

anyway I am starting out on this new year.....Oh boy when I think where I was this time last year...wow.....craziness....I wonder where I will be this time next year.......I can only hope that I am not in the same place emotionally/psychologically......I would also prefer to to not be in the same place geographically. I guess that is funny too. a year ago this time I was so ready to go to ny and here I am. I have gone and I have returned....not at the conquering prince....but as the disheveled vagabond......I guess wanderers have to settle down at some time....I think am destine to wander the landscape....this wanderlust is something that I have always had...I always thought it was a blessing....maybe it is a curse....I am sure there is some ancient myth about a man cursed to wander the earth.....

the definition of wandering is: 1 a : to move about without a fixed course, aim, or goal b : to go idly about 2 : to follow a winding course 3: to go astray (as from a course)

I however am not a wandering.....I am constantly on the look out for something....what am I looking for? I don't know....but I do know this...if I don't soon find that thing for which I am looking my travels will soon turn into a definite and ill-defined wandering....

Here I sit

2005-12-20T12:38:00.000-05:00

So yea, here I sit in Richmond In. This is officially the coldest place on earth. This morning when I went to my interview/meeting the men at the school said it was negative 1. If you have read Dante's inferno then you know that the worst part of hell is a frozen place where Satan chews on the traitorous. Well the only thing keeping this place from being hell is the mastication of evil.

so anyway, I am off to Cincinnati where I meet with someone else about another thing (ha that is pretty vague)....

ttyl

leaving again

2005-12-15T22:36:00.000-05:00

ok so here i sit....i am in a room full of people who are here to "say goodbye"

i am not very excited about leaving....not that i dont want to go...i do. and it is
not that i want to stay...i dont.....

i am as ambivalent about going home as i was about coming....i dont know what to say
so i will post this great song....

Tones of Home
Blind Melon

What do you think they would say
If I stood up and I walked away
Nobody here really understand me
and so I'll wave goodbye I'm fine, I'm fine
Tones of home
said you don't like the way I'm living
you don't like me
Tones of home, tones of home
And so I'll wave goodbye.
I'm flyin' I'm flyin' home
And I always thought this would be
the land of milk and honey
Oh but I came to find out that it's
all hate and money
And there's a canopy of greed holding me down.

[Chorus]

See I'm so High to you, so I'll fade away
I said your on your own
Your Mom and Daddy said , that your
sister said, and your brothers saying
Everybody is saying Everybody, is
saying I, eye God I gotta go!
All my friends patronize me and
They say YO Hey Boy! Have you
found what your looking for.
It seems they don't really know me cause it's here
and its what they can't see.

[Chorus]

The elect

2005-12-15T17:21:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wanted to be in a secret club? You know like one of those secret societies that the Bush's are in or something like that. We for the past few weeks I have felt like I belong to one of those. It all started when people would come into Barnes and Noble and buy concordances or bible's or even Don millers book Blue like Jazz. Well being the good sales person that I am I would say something like, "oh I like this concordance" or "omg this book by Don Miller is so good." Now while I did mean what I was saying it is not like I was treating the bible-buyer any different from the person who bought A Million Little Pieces. "Oh I have heard so much about this book. You know, lots of Oprah books are really good." Blah blah blah.....

anyway, what I noticed with a few of the bible-buyers is that they get this little twinkle in their eye and they lean in and whisper, "are you a Christian too?"

"umm yes," I answer

"really? Where do you go to church?" they continue in hushed tones.

"well I go to a cool little church up near time square called the 411." I answer and attempt to hand them their bag.

"oh wow. Do they have a wed site?"

"umm yea they do...Here let me write it down for you"

As they leave they look over their shoulder giving me a knowing look. It first seemed odd to me that these bible-buyers were so in awe of meeting another Christian. Then I started to realized how sub the subculture really is. Or at least that is how the people in the city perceive it to be.

then last night I was watching Narnia and I was tearing up when they killed Aslan. I felt like I as one of the few people in the theatre that could understand his sacrifice.

then today I am walking down fifth ave. and I was listening to Christmas music on my mp3 player and I realized that again I was one of the few people on the street who could truly understand the reason for the holiday.

oh well just a thought....

again i ask why?

2005-12-15T01:13:00.000-05:00

so yea, tonight I went to see Narnia. It was a good movie....I almost cried when they killed Aslan....all I could think about was how the Lion of Judea did that for me, a traitor.

I do have question for you though?

Why did Christ die?

The answer to this question dictates much about your personal commitment to Christianity. If Jesus died to save us from Sin, then our new life is likely to be focused on sin and trying to be sinless. However, if Jesus died in order to give us life and to give it more abundantly then we will spend our new life focused on living life the way God wants us to. Yes of course Jesus dealt with the sin issue in our lives, but that was only a small thing that had to be done in order to provide us with that new life.

This Brings me to the question I thought of during the movie.

For what did Christ die?

I will lay it out on the table. Did Christ die to ransom humanity from sin/Satan? Or, did He die in an effort to fulfill the holiness of God. For us to say that Christ died to ransom us from Satan is to say that God is not all powerful. For, if God had to pay anything to anyone then he must lacking the ability to do that thing himself. I mean you would never pay a plumber to unstop your drains unless you were unable to do it yourself (or simply too lazy, which in itself is a lacking). Therefore, since God does not need to pay Satan anything, why must Jesus die? He died because the holiness of God demands that humanity be holy and the only way to cleanse humanity is for Jesus to die. Therefore, the mercy of an ever-benevolent god met the righteousness of an ever-holy god in the death of Christ.

What does this have to do with Narnia. Well, in the movie it states that the wages of being a traitor is death. Or as the movie puts it "the old magic" (and what is older than the holiness of God) demands that a traitor's blood belongs to the White Witch. Aslan takes the sin of Edmond on himself and dies. However, there is the dilemma. Does he die to fulfill the law or does he die to ransom Edmond from the queen. Well clearly he does both. From my second question we see that he died to fulfill the "old magic" and from my first question we see that he died to give Edmond a new life an abundant life....

Just a thought

click here to see what action hero you are

2005-12-12T00:15:00.000-05:00

ok this is stupid---i am so not maximus

You scored as Maximus.
After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him.

Maximus
96%

Indiana Jones
88%

Batman, the Dark Knight
75%

Lara Croft
75%

The Amazing Spider-Man
71%

Neo, the "One"
71%

The Terminator
67%

Captain Jack Sparrow
67%

William Wallace
58%

James Bond, Agent 007
58%

El Zorro
33%

MoMA

2005-12-10T21:58:00.000-05:00

so yea, I have been telling people for a few months that I did not enjoy the Metropolitan Museum of Art. When they respond with the dramatic, "WHY?!" I have an answer ready. I say, "well since I am not an art person I need popular art, art I recongize." I then explain that I can appreciate the beauty of obscure art, but I need to know that it is "famous" to enjoy it.

Well today I went to the Museum of Modern Art, affectionately known as MoMA. Well, I realized about half way through that I had not seen very much that I recognized, but at the same time I was enjoying my experience.

this got me wondering.....And then it got me to questioning. Am I affected by obscure modern art b/c it is done in a medium that I have everyday experience with. I mean if I see a beautiful oil painting at the MET I can just walk past and think, "oh that is pretty." But at MoMA if I see an odd image projected onto the wall or if I watch an old man go about his day on a bank off 100 televisions I stop and I think and ponder the images. Is this because I interact with the "image" every day, but I never once see an oil painting unless I go into a museum? Has the TV pixel become my oil brush stroke?

I don't know......
But I must say that my experience at MoMA got better the longer I stayed. Not only was I able to enjoy the obscure art I was able to see some popular art as well. I look at these pictures the same way I read Tolstoy or Camus. I feel that I need to read those books and see these pieces of art to be a fuller more complete human being. So tonight I am a fuller person b/c I have seen

Jackson Pollocks work.....Do you remember the scene in Mona Lisa Smile where Julia Roberts character takes her students to the warehouse to see the painting that looks like the guy just threw the paint onto the canvas? Well that is Jackson Pollock...

Van Gough's the Starry Night....Of course this is one of my favs (again I must wonder if I would like it if someone had not told me it was good--oh well) It was nice to see the real thing after years of seeing it in poster shopts. I got up real close to it and looked at the paint--it is really thick on the canvas...

Monet's Water Lilies...omg it is huge....It is made of three gigantic panels that stretch out for about twenty feet or more

Some Picasso--nothing I really recognized

Andy Warhol's work---I enjoy the hammer and sickle it was nice---I also saw one his images of Monroe and the campbell's soup thingy...

anyway that was my day---one week from right now I will be at home in Mississippi...I wonder if I will want to be there then.

why?

2005-12-06T02:10:00.000-05:00

People say that I am vain.....Well according to G. K. Chesterton there is a difference between vanity and Pride. The prideful person is looking for the applause of one person, and they already have it. (that person is themselves). The Vain person is looking for the applause of ever person.

Maybe this is why the vain person "had one eye in the mirror As you watched yourself go by." If Carly Simon's man was vain he was not admiring himself; he was making sure his hair was fixed so everyone else there would think he was hot. So yea, if I am anything I am vain. Fore vanity is nothing more than an issue of low self esteem.

therefore, I wonder.... Everyone wants me to be where they are. The people in NY want me here. I have known Hillary less than a week and inside of every conversation she is like "don't leave." The Washington Square Village Super Friends are like "you can't go." At the same time, everyone in Mississippi is like "I can't wait until you come home." It just seems like everyone wants me where they are.

Why?

I am not funny.
I am not cute. (ha but maybe I make them cute by comparison)
I am not the life of the party. (dear lord, I just stand in the corner and wonder when I can leave)
I can't carry on a good conversation. ( I freak out when ever anyone wants to know what I am thinking--or I simply nod and smile, agreeing with their most stupid comments)

I simply don't understand why everyone wants me nearby. I mean, heck, I don't want me near by...

oh well....Off to bed.....

2005-12-04T22:34:00.000-05:00

it snowed last night

2005-12-03T21:50:00.000-05:00

states i have visited

early morning in the city that wakes up

2005-12-03T18:48:00.000-05:00

this morning i was walking down west third.... it was like 7:30 and there was no one out... the city was empty... where as the city is usually a sensory overload this morning was nothing like that..... i don't know how to explain how i felt except to say that i saw everything and heard everything.... even though there was nothing to see or hear..... the sun was shining right down third Ave from the East river to the Hudson..... it almost seemed as though the sun was rising over me this morning.... It shown in my eyes causing me to walk blindly down the brightly lit street....

while standing my lobby waiting for the elevator, I heard a voice i knew..... it was having a conversation that i had heard before..... it took me a few minutes to realize that i was listening to Krista Tippet talk to a Midwife for the Dying on the public radio program Speaking of Faith..... a Midwife for the Dying.... can you imagine the sadness that must lurk in those rooms..... those rooms that she insists on bringing light into....those rooms that are so brightly lit by the sun that that people must walk blindly down the brightly lit street of death.....

its a movement!!!

2005-11-30T01:28:00.000-05:00

you know i swear i was born 40 years to late--i mean here i am sitting in an apt in new york listening to the allman brother, arlo guthrie, and bob dylan. did you know that this year is the 40 anniversary of the Alice's Restaurant massacre? it is....

you know i think, of all things i will miss when i move (yet again) is the thought of living in NY (and of course the pizza at 2am)....tonight i was talking to the guys in my "bible study" about what i am "supposed" to do..they suggested that maybe god is just calling me to go...like he did abraham....maybe this is it....b/c by going i am foregoing my plan of teaching....teaching has been the plan since 11th grade (thanks to dave glasgow)...all along i have known that i was called to ministry (note i do not say the ministry) but i always had this fallback job of teaching.....by leaving i am saying ok god i am going forth to do ministry....now what......of course there is the issue of going forth correctly---Ab was supposed to leave his fathers house...he did not and that caused a little tension later....i hope when i go out i do so correctly---

anyway....

I figured it out

2005-11-29T15:45:00.000-05:00

Recently, I have noticed a nondescript, blue work van (you know, like a FedEx truck, but blue) parked outside of my apartment building. Here is what I think is going on. I think that NYU has built a large vault underneath WSV. In this vault, they keep the piles and piles of cash they take from us each year. I can just imagine John Sexton, the president, swimming through the money much like Scrooge McDuck does his gold. This vault has been a tightly kept secret among the elite at NYU since they purchase WSV some years ago. That is, until recently. I think that a Graduate assistant working in the presidents office discovered a secret communique about the vault, and is now working to get into it.

After finding out about the vault the GA brought together the best of the best graduate assistants, from all the different schools at NYU. Together they orchestrated the Graduate assistants strike as a diverse. You see, due to the many sleepless nights John Sexton does not have time to go for a swim in his piles of cash. During the strike they are secretly tunneling under W. 3rd st from Stern in the vault under my apartment. The blue work truck is their command and control center. From the truck they are doing all they can to keep the strike going until they have taken all the cash from the vault.

I knew there was more to this strike thing now I have figured it out....

Heb. 12:1-3

2005-11-27T23:47:00.000-05:00

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

A nap

2005-11-22T01:21:00.000-05:00

So yea....When I got home from work last night there was a drunk guy passed out in our hall. He was really asleep too. His phone kept ringing, but he never woke up. The story goes that he walked into Nate and David's room wanted to know why Nate was in his room. As it turns out he lives directly above them on the fifth floor.

I guess that is an honest mistake to make.

today--another day of me dreaming....

2005-11-21T00:01:00.000-05:00

Today was good. Well, it was good for most of the day. This morning I went to church at the 411. We had what they call an experiential service. During the service we had different "stations." The theme was thanksgiving, so at every station we had a different way of giving thanks. At one station we "reflected." At one, we wrote thank you notes on peoples pictures. At one we wrote thank you notes to God. At one we took communion. At one we could do something artistic to represent our thankfulness. After we did this for about 45 minutes we sat in silence for a few minutes then worshipped in song for a while.

I find this very interesting. For some reason I spend most of my commute back to the Village thinking about how to implement this in a larger setting like at Emmanuel. I thought about doing it for Christmas morning. You could take out two sections of chairs. The theme could be "God with us" at one station you could have someone quietly playing hymns (and I mean old school hymns). At this station people could gather around and worship in song. At another station you could have a place for people to take communion. At another you could do the artistic representation. You could lay out several large pieces of Butcher paper and have people respond to a verse chosen for the station. At another station you could have some one simply reading over and over the Christmas story (they could even do this in a dramatic way). At another station you could have people respond to the question, "where would you be if God was not with you?" They would do so on a piece of large butcher paper. There are several other things you could do. The room would be lit in a very low light, with candles everywhere.

But that is just me dreaming--

Its late

2005-11-18T02:00:00.000-05:00

Plans of the week.
Plans of the day.
Plans of the hour.
Plans of the minute.

I mean seriously, I have no clue what to do. I am sure the 1.5 people who read this get tired of me complaining, but honestly this is my only outlet for the angst I am feeling.

My callie-diagnosed-bipolar illness if very obvious these days. I am up and down then back up. I get almost manic-ly happy then super depressed to the point that all I do is what have to do (school work and barnes & noble work). One minute I have the perfect plan and the next I have no clue what I am going to do.

I mean yesterday I had it all figured out. I was going to quit school, volunteer at the 411 next semester while getting a job to pay my bills. However, that fell through today. I mean the church will probably allow me to volunteer, but they implied that they would not have a ton of work for me to do. I really could not justify following this plan if they can't guarantee me a lot of work.

I would kill to work in a church (ha)--I don't have to be on staff. I would love to volunteer somewhere and get a regular job to pay my bills (aka this sinfully high student loan). I don't even have to have a traditional role. I would love to be an assistant. I love making booklets and designing brochures. One of the coolest things I ever did was the Experience God packets that I made--btw Life Way should make those available for purchase with the books--it makes things so much easier (but maybe that is me tooting my own horn-ha).

I don't know--tonight I was talking to my prof after class (yea my hot 29 yr old single prof.) and she understands why I want to quit and said that she would not try and convince me to stay--but at the same time while talking with her I realized how much fun it would be to student teach with her next semester--and she agreed

I don't know--I am just so so so tired of "doing what's next." that is all I have ever done. high school, college at delta state (with a short break in Charlotte--if I could remember back I would bet that my mind frame was the same then as it is now), grad school at wheaton, teaching at GCS (the first in a line of mistakes), now NYU---I think the reason I came back to school is b/c that is the one thing I know I can do well. However, I have decided that either I am too old/jaded for school or I simply am not interested.

I know I want to spend my life "talking about jesus" but I just don't know how to go about do this----

i would love to write my krispy kreme book on the systematic theology (see the HOT NOW post in aug i think)

anyway--it is 2am and I have to get up at 7am

native americans

2005-11-15T00:06:00.000-05:00

So yea, my nephew Bailey has to dress like a "native American" for school (he is in K-5). I think my sister should dress him as a "native American" with small pox or she should have him wear ragged clothes and no shoes and make him pretend to be hungry and sick all day as if he were marching on the trail of tears. Or better yet she could dress his lower body as big piece of wood and this torso could be made to look like a screw--and he could have sign that says, "I got screwed by the US government!"

UAW

2005-11-14T09:11:00.000-05:00

so yea, i have decided that Graduate Assisstants are pretty talented people. If they can beat their drum, walk in tiny circles, and shout inane phrases without stepping on each others heels, i think they deserve their contracts!

click UAW above to know what is happening

lots of new post--scroll down and comment

2005-11-13T02:46:00.000-05:00

Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call
Wanted to sail upon your waters since I was three feet tall
You’ve seen it all, you’ve seen it all

Watched the men who rode you switch from sails to steam
And in your belly you hold the treasures few have ever seen
Most of ’em dream, most of ’em dream

Yes I am a pirate, two hundred years too late
The cannons don’t thunder, there’s nothin’ to plunder
I’m an over-forty victim of fate
Arriving too late, arriving too late

I’ve done a bit of smugglin’, I’ve run my share of grass
I made enough money to buy miami, but I pissed it away so fast
Never meant to last, never meant to last

And I have been drunk now for over two weeks
I passed out and I rallied and I sprung a few leaks
But I got stop wishin’, got to go fishin’
Down to rock bottom again
Just a few friends, just a few friends

I go for younger women, lived with several awhile
Though I ran ’em away, they’d come back one day
Still could manage to smile
Just takes a while, just takes a while

Mother, mother ocean, after all the years I’ve found
My occupational hazard being my occupation’s just not around
I feel like I’ve drowned, gonna head uptown

I feel like I’ve drowned, gonna head uptown

a year later....

2005-11-13T02:17:00.000-05:00

do u know where you were a year ago right now?

it is 2:15 am on november 13, 2005.....

Lethargy

2005-11-12T21:23:00.000-05:00

Blah blah blah......I am so not in the mood to do my work. I have so much that I am supposed to be reading and so many projects that I could be working on. Instead I am randomly searching the internet for random stuff. I could go out and do something but I don't feel like it today--I am so lethargic. I have done nothing today--I got up at noon and took a shower then read and slept all afternoon (more sleeping than reading). I did eat something, so that is an accomplishment I guess.

I don't know I guess my lack of life long purpose is tied up in my lack of daily ambition....

a couple quotes

2005-11-12T18:52:00.000-05:00

"Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme"
*"Collide" Howie Day

"And that's why birds do it, bees do it
Even educated fleas do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love"
*"Let's Do It" Cole Porter

As i eat my Raman noodles i ask

2005-11-09T20:59:00.000-05:00

Can someone, i mean anyone, anybody, i don't care, just someone....Please tell me how it is that a 25 (almost 26) year old guy who is semi intelligent and halfway normal can have no, i mean NO, idea what to do with his life.

another way of putting it---why is the grass always greener......

i mean yea i could quit school but what i am supposed to do??

oh well---

whatever

i am having rice for super

2005-11-08T16:42:00.000-05:00

Ok so you know how in some movies something crazy will happen, but then you realize it was just in the actor's head? For example, this girl is mad at someone and she kills him but then in reality she just smiles at him. Well that happened to me today. I imagine it was do to the lack of sleep last night and a long hard day at the factory, oops I mean bookstore.

Well I am walking down the street today and I see this old man with a cane. He is walking up to another old man with a cane. Imagine two cowboys in the street in front of the OK corral and you will understand how it looked. Well when they finally reach each other; I mean they are old men with canes so it takes a while, when the get face to face one says something confrontational to the other. And then hits him on the arm with his cane. They then proceed to duel it out right there on the sidewalk. In this case you should imagine two guys with swords (but old and not very agile). A crowd began to form and the short Hispanic man in a tuxedo begins to take bets. I place five dollars on the guy in the blue suit. I chose him because he had cool cane. After a few minutes of fighting, the old gentleman in grey falls over and begin to gasp for breath. My fighter in blue looks up at the now hushed crowd. We are waiting for the final blow. He makes eye contact with me and looks down at the gasping man, and simply turns and walks away.

well since it was obvious he won, I collected my money and am about to go eat Italian food.

HA!

well needless to say I had a few blocks to make up the story of the two old men walking toward each other.

out of the blue--into the dark

2005-11-08T01:12:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it hits you--hits you out of no where. You have no clue why it is there. "Where did this come from," you ask. Callie wrote me once when I asked her about this. "We get used to only having so much time of happiness before unhappiness comes in, so that when we are happy and going along fine we remember that it is about time to become unhappy. So even if there is nothing in the world at that time to make us unhappy- we realize that the time is coming soon and we get unhappy about that."

That may be the answer for me some of the time, but tonight I know why the "unhappiness" has hit me. It is funny because most of the time I would call this "melancholy," but what I am feeling tonight is so much worse than that.

Thankfully, I have a project due tomorrow so am not laying in bed thinking, but it sucks because I can't stay focused. (this blog being proof).

Oh well--the sun will be up in the morning...I hope it helps.

see my mother is gonna worry--but she shouldn't....

fitting for tonight

2005-11-08T01:07:00.000-05:00

"Someday" by Nickelback

How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables

I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Dont think its too late

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when

Well i hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up stringing
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)

a poem

2005-11-07T14:18:00.000-05:00

"The Lanyard" by Billy Collins

The other day as I was ricocheting slowly
off the pale blue walls of this room,
bouncing from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one more suddenly into the past --
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.

I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.

She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sickroom,
lifted teaspoons of medicine to my lips,
set cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light

and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.

Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift--not the archaic truth

that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hands,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

more first

2005-11-07T01:09:00.000-05:00

so yea, last night was a night of first:

i went under the east river

i went to brooklyn (williamsburg to be exact)

i ate thai food--omg, that is the most amazing stuff i have ever had!!!

i sat on the roof of an apt

i saw the nyc sky line from across the river

great stuff!

weirdo

2005-11-06T12:48:00.000-05:00

so yea....I had a panic attack last night.

No it wasn't when I realized that I had to go to Brooklyn with Maggie :)

No it wasn't when I saw this view from the roof of David's apt in Williamsburg.

No it wasn't when I realized that it was 4am and I was looking at friends on facebook.

No, I had the panic attack in my sleep. In this dream, which took place at both the Vatican and my grandmothers livingroom, I was attending class. (I guess that is not too far off since because of the strike I will be having class anywhere but a classroom). Anyway, in the middle of class I "realized" that I had been skipping another class for like 3 or 4 weeks I had forgotten that I was even registered for the class. I really began to freak out when I realized this. Then I began to think well I guess I should start going back, but. . .

Well thank goodness I woke up before having a heartattack in my sleep.

Oh and btw the weird part is not that I had this dream, but that I had a similar dream a few months ago...

field trip

2005-10-25T01:07:00.000-04:00

Last week I went with a senior, Law and Justice class from East Side Community school here in Manhattan on a field trip. We went to see the opening of a double homicide case. The guy on trial was involved in a robbery/kidnapping. He got 60 bucks from the people he robbed (he does not deny that he robbed them). One of the other participants got a car out of the deal, but he later had to abandon it. Anyway, it was interesting to hear the opening arguments of the prosecution and the defense. We also go to hear the first witness. It was a member of the Crime Scene Unit (better known to those of us in the know as CSI-ha). I don't know why Lt. Dan (aka Gary Sinise) was not there, but considering this crime took place in 2001 he might not have been here then.

Yes, you heard me correctly 2001 (if I was to too put that in caps so that you could see it better it would be @))! ). We asked the DA that was with us about the promise of a speedy trial. He said that, that does not apply to murder cases, and if it did there are ways to get around that. Glad to know that they have to still "get around" parts of the Bill of Rights instead of taking away all my freedoms. Maybe if they take enough of them away they will have a "treasure chest of rights" (kinda like the treasure chest of merits we learned about in Mr. Wilkinson's church history class). If they do get enough of my rights to fill up the chest maybe they can give some of them to the guys held in Guantanamo, but I digress.

It was fun to watch the opening of a trial. Afterwards, we went down stairs watch the first stage of the trial process. I can't remember what it is called, but it is where they argue about bale. While we were there, we got to watch the judge yell at this 17 yr old guy. He had broke the "order of protection" to see his baby's mother, who is just recently 16, four times. She gave him bale, but it was 100,000 in cash, so he probably sat in jail for a few days. It was humorous to watch, but not fun to think about.

anyway that was our field trip

a quote

2005-10-20T22:50:00.000-04:00

". . . the dead have more claims on you than what you might want to admit or even what you might know about and them claims can be very strong indeed. Very strong indeed. You get the feelin they just dont want to turn loose. So any thing helps, in that respect."

No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy

cornbread

2005-10-15T19:30:00.000-04:00

cornbread cornbread greasy greasy we gonna bet yo team easy easy....

ha ha, so I did learn something about sports growing up...

last night we had a potluck at David's. I made cornbread. I really wanted to make black eyed peas too, but I refrained. The corn bread seemed to go over well; they ate it all. To be honest I really was not concerned with how much they liked it. I really wanted cornbread and was gonna fix it last night regardless of the potluck.

Martha Stewart

2005-10-12T18:43:00.000-04:00

As I walked to work Tuesday morning I figured it was going to be a bad day. All morning long I kept dropping things and forgetting things and there was a great threat of rain. To top it all off I had no music to listen to on the way to work. When I got to work I was told to read "the rules." So I found "the rules" and realized that we were having a big event that day. "The rules" informed me of what Martha was and was not going to do and what the customers were expected to do. Martha Stewart was coming to sign her new book Martha's Rules. So we began to prepare, and I thought it somewhat funny that the maintance people were on ladders cleaning the columns. I guess management wanted the place to be spick and span for the home diva. So I spent all morning selling books to freaks. I mean these people were crazy. They LOVE Martha and they talk about her like she is their best friend. I think these people actually would have invited her over for dinner and expected her to be impressed with their cooking and decorating skills

I knew that I would not see Martha because they would whisk her up to the fourth floor, but I figured I would go up to see her during my break. So when I got off at 12:30 I walked out the back door only to be greeted by the eager paparazzi. I think they were greatly disappointed in me. Well, I wanted to tell them that I may not be able to cook dinner for 25 and never get a hair out of place, but if they followed me around and listened to my thoughts I would make a much better story than Martha. After I pushed through the cameras and lights I made my way to McDonald. I knew that I could not go see Martha on an empty stomach; I knew she would make me sick if I did. After eating my fare I made my way back to the store and up to the fourth floor to see this person. I could have gotten close because I am an employee, but I kept my distance. To be honest I was embarrassed to go see her. From my place though I could watch her sign the books for her dedicated fans. She had the absolute best posture of any person I have ever seen. It was amazing!

so that is my brush with fame this week...

haha

chillin

2005-10-10T17:19:00.000-04:00

so yea, I am chillin in the library "working" on a paper for my one class this week. We don't have class today because we are celebrating the invasion of the "America" by the Spanish. Well at least that is how some people see it--I don't know how I feel about the story of Columbus. He was the topic of conversation I almost all of my classes for the first few weeks of school because were talking about teaching in a multicultural environment...Anyway I am bored and kinda upset....

you see I wanna get a new phone so I can have text put back onto my plan. However, in order for me to upgrade my phone I have to upgrade my plan because my plan is old. But I don't wanna upgrade my plan!

Anyway, this is the most useless blog I have ever posted....

Sebna

2005-10-03T19:49:00.000-04:00

so yea, rumor has it that we have discovered a new planet.

That is crazy! I mean this is really crazy! Just imagine what this means for all the many school children who learned the planets. There are tons of different types of mnemonic devises. (I actually never used them, but Laura Love always used one to remember the planets. However, since I could not remember it I had to goggle it.) The one that came up when I googled was "My Very Excellent Mother Just Sent Us Nine Pizzas." I mean now we have to come up with another word, and since the newest planets name is Sedna the word has to begin with "S." This could be kind of fun. Can you just imagine the astronomers sitting in a room making up new mnemonic devises. I will not even attempt this because I am not that smart.

a nice quote

2005-10-02T13:12:00.000-04:00

“Toward you Krispy Kreme we swim as in the waters of the Ganges. Krispy Kreme, beacon for the forgot and disenfranchised, Krispy Kreme with your bounteous offering, who else loves so unconditionally and gives so unstintingly who else puts others first so graciously and humbly?”

From Rick Moody’s The Diviners (hear his interview on public radio http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4932144

rain

2005-09-26T22:31:00.000-04:00

it rained today----

just wanted to point this out

2005-09-25T16:55:00.000-04:00

FYI

Callie Mills Morgan Rocks!!!

I am bored with reading

2005-09-20T00:54:00.000-04:00

The other day I told my sister that I was tired of reading. Well most of you would think, “Of course! Reading is boring.” However, my sister responded in shock at such news. Well, I must clarify my statement. I was tired of reading; tired of reading article after article for my classes. I can only spend so long reading about methods of writing curriculum and how to develop a multicultural history program. However, in the midst of all this reading I took time to actually read.

I will never be tired of really reading. During my lunch break the other day I went up stairs to read. If you don’t know, I work at a Barnes and Noble. So upstairs I go. First, I do the most important part of reading: I bought a brownie. One must always have snakes close by while reading. Next I went and found the book I wanted to read. The reading for the day was a play by Edward Albee called Zoo Story. The play was recommend by Ashley in response to my recent encounter in the park (see the post below), and anything recommended by Ashley automatically goes at the top of my reading list! After getting my brownie and my book, I had to find a place to sit. Now this was somewhat difficult, since the bookstore was so busy. In the end, I found a nice spot by the window on the fourth floor. For the next hour I was in a whole other word. This world was not made up of classrooms and students, articles and debates, or friends and dramas. No; for that hour I read about a man and his encounter with dogs and humans and in the end his encounter with humanity.

While escaping to another world is part of reading, it is not the reason I enjoyed this lunch time play. No, Albee provided me with insight into the life of someone else. Granted this person may not be real, but he is real enough. If he came forth from Albee’s mind he is a part of Albee and therefore is real to him, and now he is real to me. When I see someone in the park sitting on bench, I will think of him and wonder if it is he. Moreover, if a writer is able to write the perfect character, and some do, he is not only real he becomes a part of me. A couple of examples are Ender (from Ender's Game by Orsen Scott Card) or Quentin (from Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury and Absalom Absalom). Some days I find myself thinking like Ender. These are great days; days laden with moral debate and self love mixed with remorse. However, the days that are Quentin-esque are filled with darkness and doubt.

I find this an interesting way to label my moods. No, I don’t become Ender or Quentin or Charlie but I am able to say “Ok, today I am thinking like Charlie. Why? What happened to make me like this, and what am I to do. Should I respond like Charlie or should I respond in a more appropriate manner.” Books, literature, characters are the lenses through which I view myself and my situation. They provide me with a clearer understanding of who I am. I guess, in the end, the reason I love these characters is because in them I discover another part of myself.

guy in the park

2005-09-12T20:08:00.000-04:00

So yea, I met (well, met is too strong a word)—I encountered a guy in the park today. When I walked up he asked me to watch his stuff for a second. I said sure, thinking he was student. I began to read my article about multiculturalism for class. Upon returning he began to write on his note pad. After a few minutes, he began to ask me to spell words for him. Now, those of you who know me know that I cannot spell, but I was able to spell the words he asked me to spell because they were easy words like touch and angel and cry. Suddenly, I noticed that he was standing over me. I thought this was odd, but before I could respond he asked if he could read me what he had written. I of course responded positively to his poem. Some time passed and two guys walked up to ask for money, stating that they were homeless. The poet then responded that he too was homeless and had lost his apartment just today. As the sun began to set, I started looking for a way to leave without him thinking that I was leaving because of him. While I did not feel entirely comfortable sitting with him and spelling the words for his poem, the reason I was leaving was because the sun had set and I could no longer read. (Moreover, a skinny affluent looking white boy should not be alone in Washington Square Park after dark.)

I have to wonder about his encounter. Obviously this kid was mentally challenged or at the least only functionally literate. I felt bad that he had he lost his apartment and judging from the themes of his poems he had no one to go to. What am I to do? I have no money, and that is not a hyperbole. I honestly have no cash on me nor access money by way of debit card. (My finances are in limbo right now). I guess I did all I could; I treated him like a human being. I still feel weird about the whole situation.

I just finished reading his book about homeless people (http://www.mpbooks.com/bookDetail.asp?isbn=1590524020).

I encourage you all to read it.

just some thoughts

2005-09-08T00:17:00.000-04:00

Flipping channels:

I have decided that when walking down the street in New York it is like flipping channels on the TV. I hear snippets of people’s conversations and I associate them with channels. Here is a few:

“I am just tired or pretending…”----Oxygen or Lifetime

“Help out the victims of Katrina”---CNN, Fox, MSNBC etc.

“So who won the tennis match….”---ESPN

“Help out the poor, just a penny man…..”---CBN (or whatever it is called now-the family channel or something”

Crazy people everywhere:

Fifteen years ago (before Giuliani), when New York was scary, if you saw a person walking down the sidewalk talking to themselves, you would think he was crazy. You might even cross the street to avoid him. Today everyone talks to themselves and very few of them are certifiable. Nope! Most of them are everyday people and they are talking everyday people—on their mobile phone!!! It really freaks me out when I am standing on a corner and someone walks up beside me and starts talking. I am startled and I look at them, but they are looking down the street waiting for taxi to pass, but they are still talking to me about the US Open or the dress they bought at Macy’s. I stare at them and wonder what in the world they expect me to say. I don’t know anything about the US Open and I have never been to Macy’s, much less bought a dress there! When they finally realize that I am staring at them waiting for a pause so I can speak, they look at me like I am crazy and cross the road to avoid me! It is at this point that I notice the ear piece. I then I move along on my way and wonder what the dress looked like….

An odd quiet:

New York is a loud place. When you are out during the day you hear a constant stream of horns and sirens and jackhammers and a thousand other sounds. When you are out at night, in the Village at least, there is a constant stream of music flowing from the bars and laughs and greeting raging down the streets. But, I have found that there is a quiet time in the city: the morning. It is not like mornings in the rural south. You don’t wake to the sound of locust or crickets. Here, when you walk around during the morning, there is a heavy quiet. It hangs onto the freshly fixed hair, or the sweaty gym clothes, or the fresh cup from Starbucks. I really can only explain it as humidity. It is the way I felt when I woke up one early morning in the mountains of North Carolina and I sat outside on Aunt Faye’s porch and watched her ancient cat, Fuss (God rest her soul), breath and purr. It is the way I felt when I woke to the gurgle of the Buffalo River in the Ozarks and fog hung over the river basin. The silence of New York is wet and it is heavy.

Is that a soap box or a thinking tree

2005-09-07T23:45:00.000-04:00

So yea, I just watched the most depressing movie I have seen since De-lovely. The movie is Kinsey. It is one of those movies like A Beautiful Mind that takes the life of a scientist and makes it into a pop-culture hit. Alfred Kinsey was the first person to do a scientific study of the sexual behavior of humans. (By the way, I cannot recommend the movie. Due to the subject matter it is very graphic, not in the gratuitous way but graphic none-the-less.) Anyway, Kinsey begins his study in order help people who are harmed by a lack of sexual understanding. However, one can see a great correlation between his desire to study sex and the strict religious setting he was raised. I will not venture, in the forum anyway, to discuss this topic. What I want to talk about is a little more sociological than theological.

In the process of studying sex and promoting a less puritanical society, Kinsey found himself and those around him practicing what they preached. The close knit community involved in his research began to practice what we might call “free love.” (However, as he points out he is not studying love because love cannot be “measured” and therefore cannot be studying scientifically.) The practice began to destroy the lives of some of those involved. At the end the movie ends on an upbeat note because it points out that Kinsey did help many people. However, being one that does not too quickly want to shun my puritan ancestors, I must take issue with the movie.

Kinsey’s family is almost shattered when he has an extra-marital sexual encounter. In the end the only thing that saves it is the same thing that saves the marriage depicted in De-lovely: love. You see, his wife loves him enough to stay with and accept that his theories are correct. However, it is his inadequate love for his wife that threatens the marriage again. I really do not think that his affair was out of a lack of love; he believed that sex is what animals do and humans are simply animals. But when someone comes to him and his wife and asks for permission to sleep with her, he agrees. I think that if he honestly loved his wife he would have seen that she really wanted him to say no and not agree to it. He does agree and she begins to experience his world of informal sexual exploration. Their marriage does not end formally nor does their “love” but I think the fullness of their marriage, their relationship as human beings, suffered greatly as a result.

I think we can see this movie and his characters as a microcosm for society in the second half of the twenty century. Yes, I think that a fuller understand of sex and sexuality frees people from the quilt and pain caused by ignorance. However, I also feel that a society that acts as if it were settled by the followers of Bacchus instead of the puritans will suffer (has suffered) greatly. We will forget how to truly love one another, because we begin to see each other as objects and not human-beings. Moreover, and probably more damaging, we begin to see ourselves as sexual creatures instead of the image bearers of God. This happened to Kinsey. When his life, his sexual life, began to fall apart he began to seek pleasure in other ways that brought no pleasure at all, only pain. Our society (or should I say we, you and I, me) has forgotten what it felt like to be innocent and now we seek pleasure in ways that only brings pain. And his pain will kill us and steal from us a real life. Even if in the end we, like Kinsey, see the positive effects of what we have done we will not be able to escape the pain that our lose of innocence has brought us.

That is just what I think, but who am I.

yes, i went to church

2005-09-04T23:24:00.000-04:00

Well, today is Sunday, so I went to church. I went to two churches actually, and neither had a steeple. I passed many, many churches with steeples on my way, but I did not stop. I was looking for a certain church. This morning I went to the 411 (you know, the church we came to work with last summer), and tonight I went to the Journey. The two services were very different, but I think one can see a shifting paradigm when looking at these two churches.

The 411 (http://www.the411nyc.com) is a recent, about a year old, Southern Baptist church plant. When I got to the address I notices the small, unobtrusive sign on the sidewalk that told anyone who was looking that The 411 meet there. I was greeted by Tori and made my way to the third floor. The church meets in a dance practice room. You know, the kind with mirrors on the walls. The room was small, but come to find out it was the perfect size for the group. I was greeted by several members and several staff. Some knew me, some did not. I think my attendance had been announced to a few, but that is cool. They were all very kind and encouraging. The service began with a worship service that was punctuated with prayer for the hurricane victims. The sermon was not a sermon, per se. Scott is starting a month long look at their first year. I will kind of bring yall up to date. Since we where here last year, they have not grown in numbers a great deal. They are running about forty people. The independent film about The 411, Fishers of Men¸ has been finished and has been broadcast on public TV in Europe. As a result of the film, The 411 has been invited by the BBC to the World Cup 2006 to represent American Christianity in a film about evangelicals at the World Cup. The church is growing and it seems that God has chosen to grow in an unobtrusive way so that they can work outside of the traditional Sunday service. For example, this upcoming week they are sponsoring the Damah Film festival. (http://www.the411nyc.com/damah/) I have volunteered to work. I will probably be running the projector. (I am kind of nervous)

The Journey (http://www.nyjourney.com/) was a completely different type of service. I was reminded of Axis, the college age service at Willow Creek in Chicago. When I got to the address, near Madison Square Garden, I noticed a large banner hanging above my head. It announced to all those walking by that the Journey would be meeting here. When I entered I was greeted by some anonymous girl. I made my way into a large theatre and sat with several hundred young people and was as anonymous there as I had been on the street just minutes before. The service consisted of several well made videos; upbeat, contemporary worship; and a sermon with the catchy title, In the Zone. All in all it was very impressive. The Journey is on its way to being of the country’s great mega churches, while not owing a church building.

So which did I like better, which is the best choice for a New Yorker? Well I don’t think the answer is a clear cut as your questions may be. I think we have to think it terms of a paradigm shift. I think the large corporate mega church is a dying paradigm and we are moving into a small, more community based setting. (These are not my ideas—I have read them.)

Anyway, I went to church, but I can’t help but analyze them.

Today

2005-08-31T20:02:00.000-04:00

So yea, today was most New York day yet. I saw liberals, activist, Chinese, and Italians.

Liberals:
This morning I was going to the Kimmel Center (aka the Student Union), for a tour of the “campus.” Of course if you know anything about NYU, you know that there is not really a campus. It is just a bunch of buildings in NY. Anyway I was on my way to the tour and what do I hear? Are those drums? Is that a chant? What is going on? I began to think that maybe they were having a parade. When I finally got to Washington Square I realized very quickly that it was not a parade and there were no marching bands. Instead, it was a band of marchers. The band was made up of graduate students and faculty. They were marching in response to NYU’s refusal to allow them to unionize. It was kind of annoying and pointless. The only people who actually were affected by the event were other students and I really doubt their catchy chants rang through the twenty floor office window of the president.

Activist:
After my tour I ran a few errands and ended up back in Washington Square to read my David Sedaris book (Thanks Ashley!!!). Well in the middle of my reading, this band started playing on the recently erected stage. Over the course of an hour or so I heard several local bands and some other local “celebrates.” What was the point of this free concert? Glad you asked. They are trying to save a local bar/club called CBGBs. It is a club on the end of Bleecker in the East Village. The club’s stage has been home to such band as the Ramones. Anyway some guy wants to evict them and tear down the club to build some chain story or something. As a result everyone is in an uproar. They did make a sad point. They were talking about how such “historic” places were disappearing. They mentioned Preservation Hall being lost in the New Orleans flood. It was kinda sad because I thought of all the cool places in NO that I am sure are gone or ruined. I know they can rebuild, but there are some places that I know were not able to get everything out. I mean imagine all those used bookstores in the Quarter. There is no way the owners were able to get all their books off the bottom floors. And think about that cool little junk shop on Royal! It is so sad.

Chinese and Italians:
This afternoon we went to China Town and Little Italy. I think I will probably go back to this Chinese place to eat when I get some cash. When I get lots of cash, I am going back to Little Italy and gorge myself!!

Any way that was day in NY. Later we are going to see Rocky Horror Picture Show!

here I am

2005-08-29T20:27:00.000-04:00

So yea, here I am!

Last night I heard what I thought was thunder and I was sort of upset because I was about to set out for the grocery store to buy some much needed food. However, when I went out on my balcony, I realized that it was not about to rain. I headed out for the grocery store to buy some essentials like poptarts and ham. On the way I heard a man ask another, "What are they doing?" The response came, "They are celebrating." I could not hear the answer because I was out of ear shot, but someone was celebrating something with fireworks. I started thinking about the sound and it sounded like explosions. Of course they were explosions because fireworks explode. But in my mind they were not fireworks. I began to think about what it must have been like to be a young woman or a child in the countryside far away from London. In my scene, the child lived in a house in the middle of the woods and could not actually see London. She could hear it though. She could hear the explosions; she could hear, only in her mind-or was it for real-she could hear the sound of a city burning. The explosions caused by the falling German bombs were deep and they sank into her bones. The explosions are still there today, oh so many years later. The explosions are there.

This is where my mind was last night while I walked the streets of New York. You would think that I would be thinking about my present and what effect it will have my future, but no I was imagining the effects of WWII on a young child--Yea I am odd.

hmmm.....

2005-08-26T23:30:00.000-04:00

“My country is the Mississippi Delta, the river country. It lies flat, like a badly drawn half oval, with Memphis at its northern and Vicksburg at its southern tip. Its western boundary is the Mississippi river, which coils and returns on itself in great hooks and crescents, though from the map you would think it ran in a straight line north and south. Every few years it rises like a monster from its bed and pushed over it banks to vex and sweeten the land it has made. For our soil , very bark brown, creamy and sweet-smelling, without substrata of rock of shale, was built slowly, century after century, by the sediment gathered by the river in its solemn task of cleansing the continent and deposited in annual layers of silt on what must once have been a vast depression between itself and the hills. This ancient depression, now filled in and level, is what we call the Delta. Some say it was the floor of the sea itself. Now it seems still to be a floor, being smooth from one end to the other, without rise or dip or hill, unless the mysterious scattered monument of the mound-builders may be called hills. The land does not drain into the river as most riparian lands do, but tilts back from it towards the hills of the south and east. Across this wide flat alluvial stretch—north and south it measures one hundred and ninety-six miles, east and west at the widest point fifty miles—run, slowly and circuitously other rivers and creeks also high-banked, with names pleasant to remember—Rattlesnake Bayou, Quiver River, the Bogue Phalia, the Tallahatchie, the Sunflower—pouring their tawny waters finally into the Yazoo, which in turn loses itself just above Vicksburg in the river. With us when you speak of “the river,” though there are many, you mean always the same one, the great river, the shifting unappeasable god of the country, feared and loved, the Mississippi.”

These are the opening words of William Alexander Percy’s Lanterns on the Levee.

I am leaving tomorrow. By the time most of you read this will already be in New York. I have left home before, but this time just has the feeling of finality. It is as if I am leaving this house this town this land this river for the last time. Oh yes, I will return and check up on the old man, Old Man River that is, but I do not suspect I will call him my neighbor again. I will miss him. I will miss the way he glides like a piece of satin beneath the bridge. I will, in some morbid way, miss the stories of those he takes from us. They go to him like a young virgin might go to the edge of the ancient volcano and fall in. They are our sacrifices, and they appease him.

I heard a story once about a boy who wanted to stay in his home town and get married and have kids. He said that he wanted to grow roots. One day a circus came to town. He went to the fortune teller and she granted him a wish. He wished to grow roots in his home town. Before the young man reached his parents’ house he was stopped. He was bound to the soil and he began to grow roots. It was not long before this young man had become a tree. Of course we should all be careful what wish for because we just might get it. I have put out roots here. I love this place I love the magic in the air. Have you felt it? I do! I feel it all the time. I feel it most at night. It weighs down on me like the sticky, humid air. The magic is almost tangible. Sometimes I think I can bottle it and sell it. But of course the people would want to know what the magic does. I would not be able to tell them. I could only say, “It depends.” It depends on who you are. For some he causes words to flow onto the page like mint juleps flowing into a glass. For others it makes paint melt onto the canvas like the ice in my sweet tea. And for others, oh man, for others it causes black eyed peas and cornbread to taste like the finest food in the world. What will it do for you? All I can say is that the humid magic will cause you to put down roots, roots that stretch, but still roots that nourish the soul.

I am leaving tomorrow.

Buddy Nordan tells the story of a young man who caught the slow moving diesel train that ran through his town. Every day that summer the boy caught the train and every day he jumped off. “And then one day, for what reason I cannot say, something changed. I hooked the train, as I had done before. The Delta was what it had always been—endless blue sky, defoliated fields, small African villages peopled with princes and savages and their barebreasted sad women, washpots and collard greens. The train was what it had always been, so slow, so comfortable that it seemed to be stasis in motion. The poison heat of the diesel exhaust which swept back into my face was no different from the normal usual poisonous air that blew across Mowdown in the paddies or the DDT in the ditches and made up the staple air of my comfort and ease. Everything was the same. The train wagged its reluctant head and heaved itself up like an old man and set out with a wonted resignation toward the orchard where I usually jumped clear. Bark from the pulp wood on a flatcar was blowing in my face when I realized that I was not going to jump off. . . I didn’t jump off.” (Music of the Swamp)

I have ridden this train before, this C&G railroad, I have always jumped off at the orchard, but this time I think I might be in for the long haul. We’ll see….

Fishin'

2005-08-20T13:39:00.000-04:00

My daddy and I went fishin' again yesterday. No we did not catch anything, but it got me thinking. I am reading Lauren Winner's book Girl Meets God (see her blog to the right), and just before we left to go fishing I read a section that mentions the art of fishing. This is a short quote:

I tell her that Cyril, Bishop of Jerusalem, said that people think they are coming to church for all sorts of reasons, but really the only reason they are coming, even if they don't know it yet, is that God has gotten them there. He wrote, "Perhaps some man among you has come because he wants to win the approval of his girl-friend. . . Perhaps a slave has wanted to please his master or someone has wanted to please a friend. I accept this as bait for my hook and let you in. . . Perhaps you didn't know where you were going or recognize the net waiting to catch you. You have swum into the Church's net. Allow yourself to be caught, don't try to escape."

I think it is interesting that we are drawn to God without out our knowing. He has baited the hook and we are like Nemo just swimming along with no clue. He may bait us with a "relevant" church or a groups of friend or just someone who will love us like we are. We don't understand until after we have been caught and thrown into the live well with the others. It is in the live well, it is in the church that we begin to understand that have not been caught in order to be supper. No we have been caught, we have been plucked from the lake, because it is polluted. We ruined it and the Holy God of the universe is taking us out, and when He takes us out he puts us into the a new community. A community of fish that are stained with sin but are no long infected with the disease. You see Cyril goes on to point out "Jesus is fishing for you, not to kill you but to give you life."

Eastside

2005-08-12T14:19:00.000-04:00

So I am writing this on Sunday night at Andy and Dave’s apt. I will post it when I get home.

I went to Eastside Baptist Church is good ole Belzoni Mississippi this morning for church. Since Eastside is a traditional, fundamentalist, Southern Baptist Church I expected to use the hymnal. I was so looking forward to this. However, I was very upset that I was not able to do this. They were having a special “revival” service, so they pronounced that the “worship” was going to be different. This means that they were going to “sing five songs in a row.” Again, I was upset and disappointed that they projected the words onto a screen using what I assume was PowerPoint. You would think that I would be ok with this, since I was the one who started the whole multimedia craze at Emmanuel. However, it is the curse of a Frankenstein to hate and fear the monster he has created. You see I despise the death of the hymnal. The Hymnal does several important things:

1) It introduces the congregation to music. Here I don’t mean the passive act of singing along. Instead, I mean the active art of participating in the music. The congregation is introduced to music in its purest form. They are able to see the notes and understand the difference between chorus and verse. The absence of the hymnal in the church perpetuates what VH1 has been telling us for year. The American public is loosing its ability to appreciate music and musical-ness.

2) It intrudes the congregation to the basics of Christian doctrine. Take the second verse of Amazing Grace, for example. “Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, And Grace my fears relieved…’ It was not our cognitive understanding that caused us to fear our wretchedness. No! It was the grace of God. I think music is a great way to teach people the doctrines to the church. Some may find it difficult to remember important passages of scripture but they may be able to recall the song of their youth.

3) It introduces the congregation to church history. During my years of hymn singing I spent verse two and maybe the beginning of verse four (because we never sang verse three!) looking at the bottom of the page to see who wrote the hymn and when. Even the Baptist Hymnal has twelve songs written by Charles Wesley. I think this serves as an introduction to the basic names and traditions of the Christian faith.

Please do not take this an indictment of “contemporary” worship services or the use of newer choruses. I think they can all play a part in the worship experience. However, being a transition period I still feel obliged to bemoan the death of something so important.

2005-07-27T22:26:00.000-04:00

HOT NOW

Besides being what people say about me, "Hot Now" has a much more important meaning.

When someone asks what heaven is.
The answer is "Hot Now."

You see, Heaven is like standing in a Krispy Kreme in the middle of the night. Can't you just picture it. The blurry eyed young man in his now disheveled going-to-the-movies clothes is starring at the hundred and hundreds of tasty goodness flowing past him like the river of life. After the great guy movie he has just seen with his friends, he stands in the empty lobby and all he can hear is the hum of the neon sign. He stands there transfixed by the white glaze on the doughnuts and he fills this sudden peace overcome him a peace that knows no bonds a peace that is everlasting. That, my friend, is heaven.

When someone asks what grace is like?
The answer is "Hot Now."

You see, grace is like walking into a Krispy Kreme at midnight and receiving without having asked for it, a doughnut! God does not wait for us to ask for forgiveness before offering it to us. Actually, he calls us to him, just like Krispy Kreme calls us by way of the big red sign. Many of us have experienced it. We are hungry for something. There is deep longing inside of our stomach for something and then the glow of the great neon sign calls us. That is what it is like for us spiritually. We are longing for something but do not know what. Then god calls us to himself. Then He prepares us to accept his offer just like the smell of Krispy Kreme prepares us to accept the free gift. A gift that we cannot refuse. That my friend is grace

When someone asks what is hell like?
The answer is "Hot Now."

No, no I say this not because of the common idea that hell is a fiery place. Instead, let me ask, like I ask my students, what is so good about heaven? Well the good thing about heaven is the presence of God. The next question must be, what is so bad about hell? Well, the bad thing about hell is the absence of God. Can't you just picture the little kid standing in Krispy Kreme on a Saturday morning. His dad is holding him up letting him look at the doughnuts roll by and the young boy can smell their sweet aroma. Then his dad puts him down and leads him out of the presence of the doughnuts and back to the car. That, my friend, is a picture of hell.

I wanna write a book like this--someone find me a publisher.

2005-07-24T22:54:00.000-04:00

My Leaving CD

Here is the CD I made for my move.

Tom Waits: The Heart of Saturday Night
Tom Waits: Shiver Me Timbers
Tom Waits: San Diego Serenade
Kara's Flowers: The Great Getaway*
Kara's Flowers: As Things Collide
Kara's Flowers: Good At Being Gone
Julie Delpy: Waltz for a Night
Julie Delpy: Ready to Go
Julie Delpy: Mr Unhappy
Elton John: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
John Mayer: 3x5
Lucero: Tears Don't Matter Much
John Mayer: City Love
Jimmy Buffet: West Nashville Grand Ballroom Gown
Jimmy Buffet: The Wino and I Know
Jimmy Buffet: A Pirate Looks at Forty
Jimmy Buffet: Son of a Son of Sailor
Jimmy Buffet: He Went to Paris
Jimmy Buffet: God's Own Drunk

*Kara's Flowers is Maroon 5 before they were Maroon 5

2005-07-21T23:30:00.000-04:00

Fishin'

I went fishing with my dad today. I think it is a tradition (if something done twice can be a tradition) that we have started. We go fishing once during the summer before I leave for graduate school in the great white north (definition North--anything north of Memphis). I love to go fishing. I guess I should clarify what I mean by fishing. The first thing you should know about our fishing trips is that we never catch anything. Secondly, we do not stay until we are tired. Instead, we leave after we have lost all of our bait. I guess I should explain something else. We do not use live bait. No, I refuse to hold a cricket and I will not plunge a hook through the abdomen of anything. You might say that this is incongruous with the idea of fishing. "He does not mind killing a fish or putting a hook in it," you say. Well you are wrong I would never kill a fish with my own hands and moreover I would fell terrible if I had to yank a hook out of ones mouth, but I do not have to worry about this. You see, I have not caught a fish since I was in junior high school.

So why do I enjoy fishing? I don't know. I really enjoy this place we go. It is on the Sunflower River and called the locks and dam. The dam has not worked for fifty years or so. I think the reason I like going there is because of the history. My dad has a picture of my grandmother there when she was teenager. My mother tells me stories about going there when she was a kid. Her dad (Daddy Peach) would pull a vine out of the tree for her to swing on while he and grandma Peach fished . Then one of my earliest memories is of going there with my family. My dad and sister would fish while my mom and I built little houses out of sticks.

So why do I enjoy fishing? I don't know. I really enjoy the place we go. It is the Sunflower River and called the locks and dam of my imagination. The dam has not worked for many year. I think the reason I like to go there is because of the history. My dad has a picture of my grandmother there as a carefree teenager before adulthood came to her. My mother tells me stories about going there when she was kid. When she could swing out over the water with the carefree heart of a child. Then one of my earliest memories is going there with my family. My dad and sister would fish while my mom and I built little houses out of sticks.

So why do I enjoy fishing? I don't know. I really enjoy the place we go. It is the long snake like river. It is the moan of a bygone time. It is the laughter of the careless youth. It is the giggles of the carefree of child. It is the warmth of my family. You see, my dad and sister would fish while my mom and I built little houses out of sticks.

I went fishing with my daddy today.

2005-07-21T00:07:00.000-04:00

Masterworks of Ming
by Kay Ryan

Ming, Ming,
such a lovely
thing blue
and white

bowls and
basins glow
in museum
light

they would
be lovely
filled with
rice or water

so nice
adjunct
to dinner

or washing
a daughter

a small
daughter,
of course
since it's
a small basin

first you
would put
one then

the other
end in

2005-07-17T15:57:00.000-04:00

remembrance of things past

so yea, I am probably writing way too much on here--but like Mrs. Harper pointed out to me, I have way to much time on my hands.

It is funny that I start by talking about Mrs Harper because this post is about past things. The other night I was laying in bed and could not sleep. That in itself is somewhat funny because, as many of you know, sleeping is my hobby. As a result of my "naps" in the afternoon, I do not sleep at night. Yes I have tried counting sheep, but this causes me to start thinking about sheep. I have tried "Baptist whiskey" (AK Niquil) but it tends to freak me out when I wake up at 4 am and my arms will not move. So this night I was simply trying to name all the people in my graduating class. While there were only 27 of us, I could not name them all. I did not feel bad about this because I do not remember people easily. A friend of mine has told that I don't remember people because I never really look at people. I don't know.

In the top of my closet is a box labeled "senior crap." So at 1:30 in the morning I pulled it down with the sole purpose of looking at my year book (which was not there). What was there was a scrap book. I looked through the book and came to the end where there was a stack of things that I never glued into the book. In the stack was something I have been thinking about off and on for the past seven years. This item is very important but it is not something that is unique to me. Many graduates from GCS have one of these. Some still have it. Some lament its lose. I was talking to Andy the other day and he too has one. He laments its lose.

This object, this artifact of my youth, is my letter from Mrs Harper. For those of you who don't know this woman. She was the English teacher at GCS. Mrs Harper taught senior English and ever year she wrote a lettter to ever senior. By the time I graduated she was one of my favorite people. I loved her class. I remember sitting in the back of her classroom my senior year making fun of all the people in there. Ashley, Joel, and I had fun!

It is funny, that is all I can remember about her class. I think the reason I loved her as a teacher was not because of her knowledge of the subject or her great presentation but because of she cared about her students. She saw what they were suffering through and ached for them. This the curse and privilege of a teacher. Thanks......

anyway, I am at work, so I guess I should go read--haha

2005-07-16T17:30:00.000-04:00

So, yea I am at work. For those of you who do not know, I work at a hotel. Let me just say first of all that, while I stay in hotels, the following statement does not apply to me.

PEOPLE WHO RENT ROOMS IN HOTELS ARE STUPID!!!

Let me give you the my most recent example. Pay attention because it gets somewhat confusing. This lady comes up to the counter and says that she is locked out of her room. Well, I proceed to give her a key to her room. She then tells me that she does not need a key. Immediantly a very confused look comes over my face. She begins to explain. Then, seeing that I still don't grasp the situation, she explains again. After five or so minutes of my face carrying that mystified look I finally understood that I was not the stupid one--she was.

Here is what she did. She has two adjoins rooms. In room A, she latched the security lock. She then exited room A through the adjoining door into room B. She, being the bright person that she is, closed the adjoining door. Just in case you don't know, these door only have knobs on one side. You cannot open them from the other room. She is therefore, officially, irrevocably locked out of her room.

Now I, being the caring (and cute) front desk guy that I am, called the maintenance guy. He informs me that he will be here in about an hour. When I inform the lady that he will be an hour, she gets rather upset. Now I can understand that she wants in her room, but the entire situation is her fault so i have very little sympathy. I guess I insinuated this when I repeated several times "you locked yourself out."

Anyway, the funniest thing was when she asked if I could call a rescue squad to get her in so she could take a shower--I told her no.

anyway, I am going back to work and will add more later-

2005-07-16T02:55:00.000-04:00

So, yea I thought I would start this blog. It might be fun to do while I am in New York.
I hope however, that it does not interfere with my journal writing. Of course such
a public forum can't be as confessional as my journal, but I am concerned that it might
steal my favorite thoughts away from the private journal. We shall see.

I just finished This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald. It is amazing the amount
of melancholy that comes with finishing a book. However, my response to this book
is not the traditional response. I do not miss Amory Blaine like I missed Dorothy
Day or Ender Wiggin. I missed Day because she was doing that which I want to do.
I missed Ender because he was that which I want to be. Amory is different. Maybe
he hits a little close to home. Maybe we are searching for the same things. I don't
know. All I know is, when I wake tomorrow, I will not long for his company.

It is funny though. At the end of the book Amory thinks back to his senior year
at prep school. That year which seems like a thousand years ago was only seven.
My senior year was only seven years ago as well. I too have been thinking much of
that year. Or more precisely, I have been thinking on the seven years.
Oh the places I have been and the things I have done.

I have smelled the incense of a Buddhist stupa and slipped in the blood of Hindu sacrifices.

I have lighted candles in Catholic cathedrals and knelt at alters in Pentecostal meetings.

I have seen the Sistine Chapel and heard the echoes in St. Peters.

I have mused over the works of Monet and smiled up at Andy Warhol's Chairman Mao.

I have smelled the inside of medieval European cathedrals and reclined in the stadium seating of contemporary American Mega-churches.

I have tasted love and the lack there of

Oh the things I have done and the places I have been.

Amory Blaine sets out on a new path after his seven years. Will I? I don't know, but
one thing is for certain. I have to start a new book. I am trying to decide what book to
read next. I imagine this will be the last book I will read before I set off for New York.
I picked up Eudora Welty's Delta Wedding. This would be a good choice to end the summer.

Any suggestion?

Any way, I am off to bed.